When used routinely, table manners become second nature, lessening the chances of any missteps whether you’re dining inside or outside your home. There are plenty of bonuses in not having to worry about concentrating on how you’re eating—one being the opportunity to focus on the people with whom you’re sharing a meal.
The Table
it’s easy to make sense of a traditional place setting—especially an informal one, which calls for only a few utensils. The basic rule: Utensils are placed in the order of use—that is, from the outside in. A second rule, although with a few exceptions: Forks go to the left of the plate, knives and spoons to the right.
The Informal Place Setting
When an informal three-course dinner is served, the typical place setting includes these utensils and dishes:
Dinner plate. This is the “hub of the wheel” and usually the first thing to be set on the table.
Two forks. The forks are placed to the left of plate. The dinner fork (the larger of the two) is used for the main course, the smaller fork for a salad or appetizer. Because at an informal meal the salad is usually served first, the small fork is placed on the outside at the far left.
Napkin. The napkin is folded or put in a napkin ring and placed either to the left of the forks or in the center of the dinner plate. (A folded napkin is also sometimes placed under the forks, though this makes diners go to the trouble of removing the forks before opening their napkins.)
Knife. The dinner knife is set immediately to the right of the plate, cutting edge facing inward. (If the main course is meat, a steak knife can take the place of a dinner knife.) The dinner knife could also be used for a first-course dish.
Spoons. Spoons go to the right of the knife. A soupspoon (used first) goes farthest to the right, and a teaspoon (and sometimes a dessertspoon) between the soupspoon and knife.
Glasses. Drinking glasses of any kind—wine, water, juice, iced tea—are placed at the top right of the dinner plate. Other dishes and utensils are optional, depending on what is being served:
Salad plate. This is placed to the left of the forks. If the salad is to be eaten with the meal rather than before or after, you can forgo this plate and serve salad directly on the dinner plate. However, if the entrée contains gravy or other runny ingredients, a separate plate for the salad will keep things neater.
Bread plate with butter knife. If used, the bread plate goes above the forks, with the butter knife resting on the edge.
Dessert spoon and fork. These can be placed either horizontally above the dinner plate (the spoon at the top and its handle to the right; the fork below and its handle to the left) or beside the plate. If placed beside the plate, the fork goes on the left-hand side, closest to the plate; the spoon goes on the right-hand side of the plate, to the left of the soupspoon.
Coffee cup and saucer. If coffee is to be served during the meal, the cup and saucer go just above and slightly to the right of the knife and spoons. If it is served after dinner, the cups and saucers are brought to the table and placed in the same spot.
The Formal Place Setting
The one rule for a formal table is for everything to be geometrically spaced: the centerpiece in the exact center, the place settings at equal distances, and the utensils balanced. Beyond these placements, you can vary other flower arrangements and decorations as you like. A formal place setting usually consists of the following:
Service plate. This large plate, also called a charger, serves as an underplate for the plate holding the first course, which will be brought to the table. When the first course is cleared, the service plate remains until the plate holding the entrée is served, at which point the two plates are exchanged.
Butter plate. The small butter plate is placed above the forks at the left of the place setting.
Salad fork. Unless the salad is to be served first, the small salad fork is placed at the left and closest to the plate.
Dinner fork. The largest of the forks, also called the place fork, is placed to the left of the salad fork and is used to eat the entrée and side dishes.
Fish fork. If there is a fish course, this small fork is placed farthest to the left because it is the first fork used.
Dinner knife. This is placed to the right of the dinner plate.
Fish knife. The specially shaped fish knife goes to the right of the dinner knife.
Butter knife. This small spreader is placed diagonally on top of the butter plate.
Salad knife. This knife, if provided, would be set between the dinner plate and the dinner knife. (Note: There is no salad knife in the above illustration.)
Soupspoon or fruit spoon. If soup or fruit is being served as a first course, the accompanying spoon goes to the right of the knives.
Oyster fork. If shellfish is to be served, the oyster fork is set to the right of the spoons; it is the only fork ever placed on the right.
Glasses. These number four and are placed so that the smaller ones are in front. The water goblet is placed directly above the knives; just to the right goes a champagne flute; in front of these are placed a red- or white-wine glass and a sherry glass.
Knife blades are always placed with the cutting edge toward the plate. No more than three of any implement is ever placed on the table (except when an oyster fork is used, in which case there are four forks). If more than three courses are served before dessert, the utensil for the fourth course is brought in with the food;likewise, the salad fork and knife may be brought in when salad is served. Dessert spoons and forks are brought in on the dessert plate just before dessert is served.
Handling Utensils
Deciding which knife, fork, or spoon to use is made easier by the “outside-in” rule—using utensils on the outside first and working your way inward. If you find yourself confused (a utensil seems out of place, which could simply mean the salad is being served later), just wait to see what is served before choosing a utensil. Or watch the others at the table and follow suit.
How to Hold?
It’s surprising how many people make a fist to hold their utensils, especially when the more comfortable alternative is the correct one: The fork or spoon rests on the middle finger of your hand, with your forefinger and thumb gripping the handle. With that most obvious of guidelines established, be aware that there are two different holding styles from which to choose: the American style (usually with fork tines up) and the Continental (or European) style (with fork tines down).
Is one style more proper than the other? Not at all. In fact, there’s no reason not to use both during a meal: You might want to eat the meat Continental style and the other dishes American style. Either way is correct, so use whichever is more comfortable for you. The method for cutting food is the same for both techniques. Hold the knife in the right hand (or reversed, if you’re left-handed) with your index finger pressed just below
where the handle meets the blade. Hold the fork, tines down, in your left hand and spear the food to steady it, pressing the base of the handle with your index finger. As you cut food, keep your elbows just slightly above table level—not raised high and out.
Then come the differences in the two styles:
American (or zigzag) style. After the food is cut, the American method calls for placing (not propping) the knife on the edge of the plate, then switching the fork to your right hand before raising it, tines up, to your mouth.
Continental style. Once the food is cut, the knife is kept in your hand or laid across the plate as the other hand lifts the fork to your mouth. The fork is held tines down with the index finger touching the neck of the handle. The fork remains in the left hand.
Resting Utensils
Knowing where to rest utensils during and after the meal is important as well. First, never place a knife, fork, or spoon you’ve been using directly on the table; instead, place it diagonally on the edge of your plate.
When you pause to take a sip of your beverage or to speak with someone, place your knife and fork on your plate near the center, slightly angled in an inverted V and with the tips of the knife and fork pointing toward each other. (Don’t worry about tines up or tines down, though it makes sense that the tines will face down if you’re eating Continental style.) You may also rest your utensils in the American style, with your knife slightly diagonal on the top right rim of your plate and your fork laid nearby with tines up. These two resting positions, recognized by trained waitstaff, signal that you’re not ready to have your plate removed.
At most restaurants, used utensils are replaced with clean ones for the next course. If, however, a waiter asks you to keep your dirty utensils for the next course (a practice apparently meant to cut costs), it’s okay to ask for clean ones. If soup or dessert is served in a deep bowl, cup, or stemmed bowl set on another plate, place your utensil(s) on this underplate when you finish. If the bowl is what is called a soup plate (shallow and wide), leave the spoon in the bowl.
At the end of the course, lay your knife and fork side by side diagonally on your plate (if your plate were a clock face, they would lie at four o’clock); the knife blade faces inward, but the fork tines can be either up or down. This position not only serves as a signal to the server that you’re finished but also decreases the chance that the utensils could fall to the floor when the plates are cleared.
Using Your Napkin
Be it cloth or paper, your napkin goes into your lap as soon as you sit down. The tradition has been for diners to wait until the hostess puts her napkin in her lap, but nowadays this custom is observed only at more formal meals. The significant word is “lap.” Don’t tuck a napkin into your collar, between the buttons of your shirt or blouse, or in your belt. (An exception can be made for the elderly or infirm; if someone is prone to spilling food, she has every right to protect her clothing.) Partially unfold the napkin (in other words, keep it folded in half), and don’t snap it open with a showy jerk of the wrist. Use your napkin frequently during the meal to blot or pat, not wipe, your lips. It’s also a good idea to blot your lips before taking a drink of your beverage—especially if you’re a woman wearing lipstick. Put your napkin to the left side of your plate when the meal ends or whenever you excuse yourself from the table.
Instead of folding or crumpling the napkin, just leave it in loose folds that keep any soiled parts out of sight. At the end of the meal, leave your napkin to the left or, if your plate has been removed, in the center of the place setting.
The Particulars of Serving
How a meal is served depends on its style. At a formal dinner, the food is brought to each diner at the table; the server presents the platter or bowl on the diner’s left, at which point the food is either accepted or refused. (Alternatively, plates are prepared in the kitchen and then brought to the table and set before the diners.) At a more casual meal, such as an informal seated dinner party, either the host dishes the food onto guests’ plates for them to pass around the table or the diners help themselves to the food and pass it to others as necessary. Which way is food passed around the table when it is first served? Tradition says to pass counterclockwise (to the right)—but the point is for the food to be moving in only one direction. One diner either holds the dish as the next diner takes some food, or he hands it to the person, who then serves herself.
Any heavy or awkward dishes are put on the table with each pass. Cream pitchers and other dishes with handles should be passed with the handle toward the person receiving them.
Serving Yourself
Your first concern when helping yourself to food is to pay attention to what you’re doing and avoid spills. Then keep the following in mind:
➢ Gravy should be spooned directly from the gravy boat onto the meat, potatoes, or rice on your plate, whereas condiments, pickles, and jelly are put alongside the foods they’re meant to accompany.
➢ Olives, nuts, radishes, or celery are placed on the bread plate. If no bread plate has been provided, put these items on the edge of your dinner plate.
➢ If the meal has started and something that would ordinarily be on the table is missing—salt and pepper, for example, or butter for the bread—mention it to the host only if you’re certain it’s an oversight: “Anne, is there any butter for the rolls?” Asking for anything else can be awkward and seem rude, especially at a dinner party. For one thing, the host might not have any steak sauce or pickle relish on hand; for another, requesting something additional suggests you think the food isn’t up to par.
Refusing a Dish
When you’re among friends, it’s fine to refuse a dish you don’t care for with a polite “No, thank you.” At a dinner party where the host has gone to a great deal of trouble, it’s good manners to take at least a little of every dish being offered.
If you’re allergic to a food or on a restricted diet and your host urges you to help yourself to food you shouldn’t eat, explain to her (not to the table at large) why you have no choice but to decline: “Sarah, shellfish is off-limits for me, but I’m sure all the other delicious dishes will more than make up for it.”
During the Meal
Your first concern once the meal is served is when to start eating. Do you wait until everyone else’s plate is full even as your food grows cold? Unless the meal consists of cold courses, your fellow diners (including the host, if any) will usually urge you to go ahead and start. If the group is large, begin eating once at least three of you have been given your food. At a small table of only two to four people, it’s better to wait until everyone else has been served before starting to eat. At a formal or business meal, you should either wait until everyone is served to start or begin when the host asks you to. The other mealtime guidelines that follow are easy to digest. They’re based on doing everything unobtrusively—the reason you shouldn’t eat noisily, wave your fork in the air while talking, or snap a cloth napkin open instead of unfolding it.
Posture, Fidgeting . . . and Those Elbows
You needn’t sit stiff as a rail at the dinner table, but hunching your shoulders over the plate (a posture often associated with using a fork like a shovel) is a definite “do not.” Likewise, slouching back in your chair (which makes it look as if you’re not interested in the meal) is not appropriate when eating with others.
As for not putting your elbows on the table, this drummed-into-us taboo applies only when you are actually eating. It’s a different story when no utensils are being used; in fact, putting your elbows on the table while leaning forward a bit during a mealtime conversation shows that you’re listening intently.
When waiting for the food to arrive or after the meal, you may want to keep your hands in your lap, if only to resist the temptation of fiddling with the utensils or other items. Refrain from drumming your fingers, jiggling your knee, or other fidgety habits, and always keep your hands away from your hair.
Cutting, Seasoning, and So On
As you begin and continue the meal, there are certain things you’ll want to remember to do and others you’ll want to avoid.
Cutting food. Cut your food into only one or two bite-sized pieces at a time. Doing this makes sense, since a plateful of cut-up food is not only unattractive but cools and dries out more quickly than food that is mostly intact. (The exception to the rule is when you help a young child cut his food.)
Seasoning food. When at a dinner party or restaurant, always taste your food before seasoning it. Hastily covering a dish with salt or drowning it in ketchup implies that you think the cook’s creation needs improving on.
Chewing food. Once you start to eat, don’t literally bite off more than you can chew: Take a manageable bite, chew it well, and swallow it before taking another.
Also remember that smacking, slurping, and collecting food in a ball in one cheek are major faux pas. When you have a mouthful of food, avoid two more things: taking a drink and talking. If you have more than a few words to say, swallow your food, rest your fork on your plate, and speak before you resume eating.
Reaching. Just how close does something on the table have to be before you reach out and get it yourself? That’s simple: within easy reach of your arm when you’re leaning only slightly forward. Don’t lean past the person sitting next to you or lunge to perform what’s known as the boardinghouse reach. A request to “please pass the [item]” is required for everything beyond that invisible boundary, as is a thank-you to whoever does the passing.
Using a finger bowl. If you encounter a finger bowl (used either after eating a hands-on meal such as lobster or at a more formal meal when dessert is served), dip your fingers into the water and then dry them with your napkin.
Assorted Table Tips
➢ Remember to make good use of your napkin, wiping your fingers as necessary. Also use a small area of the napkin to blot your lips fairly often.
➢ If a piece of food keeps eluding your fork, don’t push it onto the tines with your finger. Instead, use a piece of bread or your knife as a pusher.
➢ Sop up extra gravy or sauce only with a piece of bread on the end of a fork; the soaked bread is then brought to the mouth with the fork.
➢ When you’ve finished eating, don’t push your plate away from you. Nor should you loudly announce “I’m finished” or “I’m stuffed.”
When Things Go Wrong
Dealing with unexpected difficulties at the dinner table—from food that tastes off to a coughing fit to spotting a tiny critter inching along a salad green—is a concern for the polite diner. Such challenges can be managed with aplomb just by staying calm and keeping your sense of humor.
Spills. If you spill food on the table while taking it from a serving dish, neatly pick up as much as you can with a clean spoon or the blade of your knife; then wet a corner of your napkin in the water glass and dab the spot. If you knock over a drink, quickly set the glass upright and apologize to your tablemates: “Oh, I’m sorry. How clumsy of me! I hope none of it got on you.” Get a cloth or sponge and mop up the liquid right away. In a restaurant, discreetly signal the server, who will put a napkin over any stains. In someone’s home, immediately tell your host and help with the cleanup.
Food that’s too hot or spoiled. If a bite of food is too hot, quickly take a swallow of water or another cold drink. If that’s impossible or doesn’t help, discreetly spit the scalding food onto your fork (preferably not into your fingers and definitely not into your napkin), and put it on the edge of the plate. The same goes for a bad oyster, clam, or any other food that tastes spoiled. Remove it from your mouth as quickly and unobtrusively as you can.
Food-by-food Etiquette
Facing unfamiliar or hard-to-eat foods or wondering whether the way you eat a particular food at home is “not done” in public is something that happens to most of us at one time or another. What you do depends on the situation. With friends, don’t be embarrassed to say, “I’ve never eaten escargots before. Please show me how.” If you’re at a formal function or among strangers, just delay eating until you can take a cue from the other diners. Reviewing the guidelines below will help keep you from wondering what to do.
Apples and Pears
When served as part of a meal, an apple or pear is eaten with the fingers but is cut in quarters first (a paring knife is often set out for the purpose). Cut the core away from each quarter, then peel if desired.
Apricots, Cherries, and Plums
Eat an apricot, cherry, or plum with your fingers. To expel the pit, cup your hand over your mouth and push the pit forward with your tongue into your fingers. Then deposit the pit on your plate.
Artichokes
Artichoke leaves are always eaten with the fingers. Pluck off a leaf on the outside, dip its meaty base into the melted butter or sauce provided, then place it between your front teeth and pull forward. Continue leaf by leaf, placing discarded leaves on the edge of your plate (or on a plate provided for the purpose), until you’ve reached the artichoke’s thistlelike choke or when the leaves are too small or meatless. Use your knife to slice off the remaining leaves and the choke, exposing the artichoke heart. Then cut the heart into bite-sized pieces and eat it with a fork, dipping each forkful into the melted butter or sauce.
Asian Dishes
The Asian cuisines most often encountered by Americans are those of China, India, Japan, and Southeast Asia (including Thailand, Vietnam, Korea, Malaysia, and Indonesia). Though there’s no real need to follow the eating traditions from each country, it doesn’t hurt to know a bit about them. For instance, at a Chinese or Japanese meal it’s fine to hold the rice bowl close to your mouth; in Korean custom the bowl is left on the table. And then there are chopsticks, the use of which makes Chinese and Japanese food “just taste better” to many people. It’s also nice to follow the Asian custom of serving tea to your fellow diners before you fill your own teacup. (Traditionally, milk or sugar is added only to Japanese green tea, but there’s no harm in doctoring any Asian tea to your liking.) A meal at a Chinese restaurant is usually communal, with dishes being shared. All diners should have a say in what to order and then take equitable portions from the platters—even of the foods they like most. Near the end of the meal, don’t take the last food left on a platter without offering it to the other diners first.
Sushi and sashimi. In Japan, the assorted raw fish dishes called sushi are eaten with chopsticks or the fingers. Whichever method you choose, there’s a correct way to dip a piece of sushi into the accompanying soy sauce. So that the sticky rice won’t break up, only the fish side is dipped into sauce; the piece is then brought to the mouth and eaten in one bite. If you forgo tradition altogether and use a fork, cut any pieces that are too large to eat in a single bite with your knife and fork.
A typical Japanese meal begins with sashimi—thinly sliced, raw, boneless fish served without rice. Before eating sashimi, diners mix a dollop of the green horseradish mustard called wasabi into the dish of soy sauce that is provided. The fish is then dipped into the sauce with chopsticks or a fork.
Asparagus
When asparagus stalks are firm and aren’t sauced, it’s fine to pick them up with your fingers, one stalk at a time. (Asparagus is traditionally a finger food, and the English and many other nationalities still see it as such.) Think twice, however, about using your fingers for unsauced, firm spears if your fellow diners use a knife and fork or if you’re a guest at a formal meal. When in doubt, use utensils.
Avocados
Avocado slices are cut and eaten with a fork. When an avocado is served halved, hold the shell to steady it and scoop out each bite with a spoon. When tuna salad or any other mixture is served in an avocado half, it’s fine to hold the shell steady while eating the contents—this time using a fork.
Bacon
Eat fried bacon as a finger food when it is dry, crisp, and served whole. If the bacon is broken into bits, served in thick slices (as with Canadian bacon), or limp, eat it with knife and fork as you would any other meat.
Baked Potatoes (White and Sweet)
Baked white potatoes and sweet potatoes can be eaten in more than one way. The most common is to slit the top lengthwise with a knife, push on each end of the potato to open it wide, and mash some of the flesh with a fork. An alternative is to slice the potato clean through and lay the halves skin-down side by side. Add butter, salt, and pepper (plus extras like sour cream, cheese, or bacon bits, if desired) and use your fork to mash the additions lightly into the flesh before taking a forkful from the shell. Another method is to slice the potato in half lengthwise and use your fork to scoop the flesh of both halves onto your plate. Neatly stack the skins together on the edge of your plate and mix butter and any other condiments into the flesh with your fork. If you like to eat the skin as well as the flesh, cut the potato into two halves and use your knife and fork to cut the potato and skin into bite-sized pieces, one or two at a time.
Bananas and Plantains
At an informal dinner, it’s fine to peel a banana and eat it out of hand; just peel it gradually, not all at once. At a more formal dinner, follow your fellow diners’ lead on whether to use fingers or fork. When a banana is eaten with a fork, the banana is peeled completely (the skin goes onto the edge of the plate) and cut into slices, a few at a time. Raw plantains are eaten in the same way, although these fruits are usually served fried and eaten with a fork.
Berries
Berries are usually hulled or stemmed before the meal, served with cream and sugar, and eaten with a spoon. Sometimes berries are served as or with dessert, or perhaps as part of breakfast. If strawberries are served unhulled, you can hold the berry by the hull to eat it; the hull and leaves then go onto the side of your plate.
Beverages
Beverages drunk at the table and at parties have a set of manners all their own, and some guidelines apply across the board: (1) Take a drink only when you have no food in your mouth; (2) sip instead of gulping; (3) if you’re a woman, don’t wear so much lipstick that your drinking glass will become smudged.
Water and ice. Avoid the urge to gulp water at the table, no matter how thirsty you are. When drinking a beverage that contains ice cubes or crushed ice, don’t crunch the ice in your mouth.
Beer and soft drinks. When served at a meal, beer and soft drinks should be served in a mug or glass. Drink them straight from the bottle or can only at a picnic,barbecue, or other very casual occasion. (Good beers are often served in the bottle with an empty glass, which lets the drinker control how much he pours and the head on the beer.)
Coffee and tea. Four quick don’ts: (1) Don’t leave your spoon in the coffee cup or teacup or mug; place it on the saucer or a plate. (2) Don’t take ice from your water to cool a hot drink. (3) Don’t dunk doughnuts, biscotti, or anything else in your coffee unless you’re at an ultracasual place where dunking is the norm. (4) Don’t crook your pinkie when drinking from a cup—an affectation that went out with the Victorians.
When serving tea, note that a pot of freshly brewed loose tea tastes best; a second pot of hot water is used to dilute oversteeped tea and is poured directly into the cup. If using tea bags, put two or three bags in a pot of hot water and pour the tea when it has steeped. When putting a tea bag directly into a teacup or mug for steeping, allow it to drip briefly into the cup as you remove it (no squeezing it with your fingers or the string). Then place the bag on a saucer or plate. What to do with empty packets of sugar and individual containers of cream? Crumple them and place them on the edge of your saucer or butter plate.
Cocktails. When you drink a cocktail, the only nonedible item you should leave in your glass is a straw; swizzle sticks and tiny paper umbrellas go onto the table or your bread plate. At parties, hold such accoutrements in a napkin until you find a waste receptacle. If you want to eat cocktail garnishes like olives, cherries, or onions, by all means do. Garnishes on cocktail picks are easy to retrieve at any time, while those in the bottom of the glass should be fished out with the fingers only when you’ve finished the drink. (Think twice about eating an orange slice, since chewing the pulp off the rind is messy.)
Wine. See Chapter 24: “Ordering Wine”; Chapter 25: “Choosing and Serving Wines.” ( not posted)
Bouillabaisse
To be enjoyed to the fullest, this seafood stew from Marseilles—made with varying combinations of white fish, clams, mussels, shrimp, scallops, and crab legs—requires using not only a soupspoon but also a seafood fork, knife, and sometimes a shellfish cracker. A large bowl should be placed on the table for shells. If no receptacle is provided, place empty shells on the plate under your soup bowl.
Bread
Before eating bread, use your fingers to break it into moderate-sized (not bite-sized) pieces. Then butter the bread one piece at a time, holding it against your plate, not in [ 395 ] your hand. Hot biscuit halves and toast can be buttered all over at once because they taste best when the butter is melted.
Fried or flat bread. The breads nan, papadam, poori (from India), and pita (from the Middle East) are brought whole to the table on plates or in flat baskets. Break or tear off a fairly sizable piece with your fingers and transfer it to your plate, then tear off smaller pieces to eat.
Round loaf on cutting board. If a restaurant serves an entire round loaf of bread on a cutting board, use the accompanying bread knife to cut it in slices rather than wedges. Start at one side by cutting a thin slice of crust, then slice toward the center.
Butter
There are various ways to serve butter at the table: Place a stick on a butter dish with a butter knife; slice a stick of butter and serve the pats on a small plate with a small fork (or on individual plates with little butter knives); or spoon whipped butter from a tub onto a small plate and provide a butter knife. When diners need to transfer the butter to their own plates and no communal utensil is provided, they use their own clean knives or forks. When individually wrapped squares or small plastic tubs of butter are served in a restaurant, leave the empty wrappings or tubs on your bread plate (or, if no bread plate is provided, tucked under the edge of your dinner plate), not on the table.
Cantaloupes and Other Melons
Use a spoon to eat unpeeled cantaloupes and other melons that have been cut into quarters or halves. When melons are peeled and sliced, eat the pieces with a fork.
Caviar
Caviar is traditionally served in a crystal bowl on a bed of cracked ice. Use the accompanying spoon to place the caviar on your plate. With your own knife or spoon, place small amounts of caviar on toast triangles or blini. If chopped egg, minced onions, or sour cream is served, spoon the topping sparingly onto the caviar.
Cheese
When served as an hors d’oeuvre, cheese is cut or spread on a cracker with a knife. Provide a separate knife for each cheese so that the individual flavors won’t mingle.
When cheese is served with fruit for dessert, it is sliced and placed on the plate with the fruit. Like the fruit, it is eaten with a knife and fork, not with the fingers. When an after-dinner cheese course is ordered at a restaurant, the cheese will come arranged on plates centered with bread or crackers, a piece or fruit, or perhaps a small fruitcake of some sort. Cheeses served on bread or crackers are eaten with the fingers, but a knife and fork are used for everything on a plate holding cheeses and fruit or fruitcake (the cheeses are eaten separately so that the full flavor comes through). Start with the milder cheeses and progress to the strongest.
Cherry Tomatoes
Except when served as part of a salad or other dish, whole cherry tomatoes are eaten with the fingers. But be careful: They’re notorious squirters! It’s best to pop the whole tomato into your mouth. If the tomato is too large to eat in one bite (as some varieties are), pierce the skin with your tooth or a knife before biting the fruit it in half. When served whole in a salad or other dish, cherry tomatoes are eaten with a knife and fork after being cut with care.
Condiments
The perker-uppers we add to dishes—from salt and pepper to bottled sauces to relishes—have their own etiquette guidelines.
Salt and pepper. Don’t salt or pepper your food before tasting it, because assuming that the dish is well seasoned to begin with is an implicit compliment to whoever prepared it. When someone asks for the salt or pepper, pass both. These items travel together, so think of them as joined at the hip. (Even a saltcellar is passed with the pepper.) If the shakers are opaque and you can’t tell one from the other, the pepper shaker is the one with the larger At formal dinners, a saltcellar—a tiny bowl and spoon— sometimes takes the place of a shaker. You can use the spoon to sprinkle salt over your food as needed or you can fall back on the old tradition of placing a small mound of salt on the edge of your plate and then dipping each forkful of food into the salt. If no spoon comes with the cellar, use the tip of a clean knife; if the cellar is for your use only, it’s fine to take a pinch with your fingers.
Ketchup and such. At all but the most informal meals, serve ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and any other bottled sauces in small dishes. At picnics and barbecues, these condiments can come straight from the bottle. Pouring steak sauce or ketchup over your food is fine if you’re with family and friends or at a chain restaurant. But even the most avid bottled-sauce lover will probably have to do without at more formal dinners and tonier restaurants.
Other condiments. Now that international cuisines are part of the American culinary scene, you’re more likely to encounter several separate condiment dishes on the table. Spoon a small portion of the sauce or chopped-vegetable condiment onto the edge of your dinner plate or butter plate, replenishing it as needed. Never dip food directly into a communal condiment dish, and don’t take anything from the condiment bowl directly to your mouth; it goes onto your plate first.
Corn on the Cob
Perhaps the only rule to follow when enjoying this handheld treat is to eat it as neatly as possible—no noisy nonstop chomping up and down the rows. To butter the corn, put pats or a scoop of butter on your dinner plate, then butter and season only a few rows of the corn at a time. If no prongs for holding the cob are supplied, butter in a way that will keep your fingers from becoming greasy. Corn served at a formal dinner party should always be cut off the cob in the kitchen and buttered or creamed before serving.
Crab
When tackling a hardshell crab, start with the crab legs. Twist one off, then suck the meat from the shell; repeat with the second leg. Put the legs on the edge of your plate. To eat meat from the body of the crab, use a fork to pick the meat from the underside. A softshell crab is eaten shell and all, whether it’s served in a sandwich or on a plate. In the latter case, cut the crab with a knife and fork down the middle and then into bite-sized sections. You can either eat the legs shell and all or pull them off and suck out the crabmeat inside; place any inedible parts on the side of your plate.
Desserts
What do you do with a dessert fork and spoon when you find them in your place setting? Depending on what you’re eating, these utensils are often interchangeable. In general, eat custards and other very soft desserts with a spoon, using the fork for berries or any other garnishes. Cake, pie, or crepes being served à la mode—i.e., with ice cream—may be eaten with either or both of the utensils. For firmer desserts such as dense cakes or poached pears, switch the utensils—the fork for eating, the spoon for pushing and cutting. When you’re served layer cake with the slice upright, turn it on its side with a dessert fork and spoon or any other utensil that remains at your place. If all of the other utensils have been cleared, then do your best with your fork and the fingers of the other hand.
Escargots
Escargots (French for “snails”) are baked or broiled and can be eaten in a number of ways. Shelled snails served on toast are eaten with a knife and fork. Escargots in a snail plate (ovenproof plates with indentations that keep unshelled snails in place while they are cooked in garlic butter and are being eaten) are usually grasped with snail tongs. Squeeze the handles to open the tongs, which will snap around the shell as you release the pressure. The snail is removed with a pick, an oyster fork, or a two-pronged snail fork held in your other hand. The garlic butter that remains in the shells can be poured into the snail plate and sopped up with small pieces of bread on the end of a fork.
Fajitas
Fajitas (flour tortillas with a choice of fillings) are filled and rolled by the diner, then eaten with the fingers. To keep things neat, spread any soft fillings (usually refried beans, guacamole, sour cream, or melted cheese) onto the tortilla first, then add the strips of beef, chicken, or seafood and top with any garnishes. Roll up the tortilla and eat it from one end. Your fork is used only to eat any filling that falls to the plate.
Figs
Whole figs can be eaten with your fingers at an informal dinner. If they are halved or are accompanied by prosciutto or a crumbly cheese, use your knife and fork.
Fish
Fish as an entrée is often served as a fillet and eaten with a knife and fork. More daunting is a whole fish that you must fillet for yourself; it will most likely come with a fish knife and fish fork, tools designed for the job. The first step is to anchor the fish with your fork and remove the head (placing it on a plate for discards). Then use the tip of your knife to cut a line down the center of the fish from gill to tail, just above the middle of the body. You can either (1) remove the skeleton at this point, lift the top half of the flesh with the knife and fork, and put it on the plate or (2) eat the flesh directly from the fish. If you detect a fish bone in your mouth, work it to your lips unobtrusively; then discreetly push the bone onto your fork with your tongue and deposit the bone on the side of your plate.
Fondue
Eating fondue means sharing a bowl with others, so don’t even think of “double dipping.” When you spear a piece of French bread and dip it into the pot of melted cheese, hold the fondue fork still for a moment to let the excess drip off. Use your dinner fork to slide the cheese-covered bread onto your plate, then to eat it. The fondue fork is rested on your plate between dips. The same method applies to melted chocolate, a dessert fondue into which strawberries or cake squares are dipped. Meat fondues require a few extra moves. When the bowl of cubed raw meat is passed, spoon several pieces onto your dinner plate. Spoon small pools of the sauces being served onto your plate. Firmly spear a piece of meat with your fondue fork and place it in the pot with the other diners’ forks. When the meat is cooked, remove it and slide it onto your plate with your dinner fork. When it has cooled, cut it into smaller pieces to eat.
French Fries
When French-fried potatoes accompany finger foods like hamburgers, hot dogs, or other sandwiches, eat them with your fingers. At other times, cut them into bite-sized lengths and eat with a fork. Don’t drown French fries in ketchup or other sauces. Instead, pour a small pool next to the fries and dip them in one by one, replenishing the sauce as needed.
Frog’s Legs
Frog’s legs can be eaten with either the fingers or a knife and fork. In the latter case, also use your knife and fork to move the inedible portions to the side of the plate.
Garnishes
Most garnishes aren’t just for show. That sprig of parsley or watercress at the edge of the plate not only looks good but is tasty and nutritious. In all but the most informal situations, eat lemon slices or other citrus garnishes only if they are peeled and can be eaten with a fork.
Grapefruit
Grapefruit should be served with the seeds removed and with each section loosened from the rind with a grapefruit knife. The rind, plus any seeds encountered, should be left on the plate.
Grapes
When pulling grapes off a bunch, don’t pull them one at a time. Instead, break off a branch bearing several grapes from the main stem. If the grapes have seeds, eat them in one of two ways: (1) Lay a grape on its side, pierce the center with the point of a knife, and lift and remove the seeds. (2) Put a grape in your mouth whole, deposit the seeds into your thumb and first two fingers, and place the seeds on your plate.
Gravies and Sauces
Can you properly sop up gravy or sauce left on your plate with bread? Yes, but only with a fork. Put a bite-sized piece of bread into the gravy or sauce, sop, and then eat it using your fork Continental style
Hors d’Oeuvres
At parties, you may be choosing hors d’oeuvres from platters set on a table or taking them from a passed tray. When taking more than two or three, use one of the small plates provided; anything less is held on a napkin. A napkin also goes under any plate you’re holding so that you’ll be able to blot your lips. Take small portions from tables and trays and avoid returning for plateful after plateful of food, which could make it look as if gobbling food is more important to you than socializing. Also remember not to eat, talk, and drink concurrently—one action at a time, please. There is usually a small receptacle on the table or tray for used food skewers and toothpicks. If not, hold any items (including remnants such as shrimp tails and the swizzle stick for your cocktail) in your napkin until you find a wastebasket. Don’t place used items on the buffet table unless there’s a receptacle for the purpose. When crudités (raw vegetables) or chips and dip are offered, spoon some of the dip on your plate. When a communal bowl is used don’t double dip—that is, never dip again with the same vegetable or chip once you’ve taken a bite of it.
Ice Cream
When you eat ice cream from a bowl, about the only misstep is to give into temptation and drink the meltage. Ice cream in a cone should be wrapped in a napkin to catch the inevitable drips. You might want to take a cue from the old country when eating Italian ice cream, which is of two types: dairy ice creams (le crème) and fruit ices with no cream (le frutte). A serving typically consists of two or three scoops of different flavors, but Italians do not mix dairy and fruit types because the textures and flavors aren’t complementary.
Kiwis
Use a sharp paring knife to peel away the fuzzy, inedible outer skin of a kiwi; then slice the fruit crosswise as you would a tomato. There’s no need to remove the seeds, which are edible. Cut a slice into bite-sized pieces with your fork.
Lemons
Lemons are generally used as an accompaniment or garnish to other dishes. Cut a lemon into wedges, slices, quarters or halves, depending on what it’s being used for, removing the visible seeds. When squeezing a lemon section over a dish or into tea, shield other diners from squirts by holding a spoon or your cupped hand in front of the lemon as you squeeze. (Some restaurants fit lemons with a cheesecloth covering to prevent the problem.) The lemon is then placed on the edge of the plate (or saucer) or, in the case of iced tea, dropped into the glass if you choose.
Lobster
A large paper napkin or plastic bib is provided for the lobster eater. Be sure to wear it, since handling this crustacean usually results in more than a few squirts and splashes. Holding the lobster steady with one hand, twist off the claws and place them on the side of your plate. Using the cracking tool (a shellfish cracker or nutcracker) that is typically provided, crack each claw (slowly, to reduce squirting) and pull out the meat with a fork or small lobster pick. You’ll need to remove the meat from the tail (often already cut into two solid pieces) and cut it into bite -sized pieces. Spear each piece of meat with your fork and dip it into the accompanying drawn butter or sauce before eating. (True lobster-lovers get additional morsels out of the legs by breaking them off one at a time, putting them into the mouth broken end first, and squeezing the meat out with the teeth). A large bowl or platter should be provided for the empty shells.
Finger bowls with hot water and lemon slices are often put at each place as soon as the meal is finished
Mango
Most varieties of mango are too large to be served individually. The fruit is usually divided so that the clingstone in the center can be removed. Because the skin is too tough to eat, the flesh is cut from it and eaten with a knife and fork.
Meats
A sizzling cut of meat can bring out the cave dweller in even the most well-behaved diner, but it’s not always uncivilized to eat certain kinds of meat with the fingers.
Chops. At a dinner party or relatively formal restaurant, pork, lamb, and veal chops are eaten with a knife and fork. The center, or eye, of the chop is cut off the bone, then cut into two or three pieces. If the chop has a frilled paper skirt around the end of the bone, you can hold the bone in your hand and cut the tasty meat from the side of it. If there’s no skirt, do the best you can with your knife and fork. Among friends or at home, you can hold the chop and bite off the last juicy morsels of pork, lamb, veal. But if a chop is too big to be eaten with only one hand, it should stay put on the plate.
Grilled meats. At an informal barbecue, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, and pieces of chicken are most enjoyed when eaten with the fingers. But sausages without buns are eaten with a knife and fork, as are fish, steak, and other meats served in large portions.
Steak. Don’t smother steak with steak sauce, especially when dining in a good restaurant. If you use a sauce, pour a small pool next to the steak and dip each forkful of meat before eating.
Mints and Other Small Treats.
When dinner mints, candy, petits fours, or candied fruits are offered in pleated paper wrappers or cups, lift them from the serving dish in the paper, transferring them to your plate before eating. Then leave the paper on your own plate, not the serving plate.
Muffins
At the table, cut regular muffins in half either vertically or horizontally and butter the halves one at a time. (As with all breads, hold the bread on the plate— not in the air— as you butter it.) English muffins are split in half, and each side is spread with butter, jelly, honey, or marmalade.
Mussels
When eating moules marinières (mussels served in their shells in the broth in which they were steamed), remove a mussel from its shell with a fork, dip into the sauce, and eat it in one bite. Anywhere but a formal dinner, it’s fine to pick up the shell and a little of the juice, then suck the mussel and juice directly off the shell. The juice or broth remaining in your bowl can be either eaten with a spoon or sopped up with pieces of roll or bread speared on your fork. Empty mussel shells are placed in a bowl or plate that has been put on the table for the purpose.
Olive Oil
When bread is served, a small, shallow bowl or plate of olive oil is sometimes set on the table instead of (or alongside) the butter. Either spoon a small pool of olive oil onto your bread plate or dip a bite-sized piece of the bread into a communal bowl of oil. Be sure not to double dip.
Olives
The olives on an antipasti platter are eaten with the fingers; you also use your fingers to remove the pit from your mouth while cupping your hand as a screen. When olives come in a salad, eat them with your fork. If they are unpitted, remove a pit from your mouth by pushing it with your tongue onto the fork tip; then deposit the pit on the edge of your dinner plate.
Oranges and Tangerines
Eat these citrus fruits by slicing the two ends of the rind off first, then cutting the peel off in vertical strips. If the peel is thick and loose, pull it off with the fingers. Tangerines can be pulled apart into small sections before eating, while some varieties of oranges are more easily cut with a knife. Seeds should be removed with the tip of the knife, and sections are eaten with the fingers. The membrane around the peeled sections can also be removed with the fingers.
Oysters and Clams
Both of these bivalves are usually opened, served on cracked ice, and arranged around a container of cocktail sauce. Hold the shell with the fingers of one hand and a shellfish fork (or smallest fork provided) with the other hand. Spear the oyster or clam with the fork, dip it into the sauce, and eat it in one bite. Alternatively, take a bit of sauce on your fork and then drop it onto the oyster. If a part of the oyster or clam sticks to the shell, use your fork to separate it from the shell. If oyster crackers are served and you’d like to mix them with your individual serving of sauce, crumble them with your fingers before mixing. Horseradish, too, can be mixed in, or a drop can go directly onto the shellfish if you like the hot taste. When you order raw oysters or clams at an oyster or clam bar or eat them at a picnic, it’s fine to pick up the shell with the fingers and suck the meat and juice right off the shell.
Steamed clams. Don’t eat any steamed clams that haven’t opened at least halfway; they may be spoiled. Open the shell of a good clam fully, holding it with one hand. If the setting is casual, pull out the clam with your fingers or a seafood fork. If the clam is a true steamer, slip the skin off the neck with your fingers and put it aside. Then, holding the clam in your fingers, dip it into the broth or melted butter (or both) and eat it in one bite. If no bowl is provided for empty shells, deposit them around the edge of your plate.In a more casual setting, it’s okay to drink the broth after you’ve finished eating the clams. In a more formal setting, follow the host’s lead.
Papayas
These tropical fruits are served halved or quartered, with the seeds scooped out and discarded. The pieces can be either peeled and sliced—in which case they are eaten with a fork—or eaten from the shell with a spoon.
Pasta
Pasta comes in almost every shape under the sun, so it’s not surprising that different forms are eaten in different ways.
Spaghetti and other long noodles. The traditional method for eating spaghetti, linguine, tagliatelle, and the like is to place the fork vertically into the pasta until the tines touch the plate, then twirl it until the strands form a fairly neat clump. When the fork is taken to the mouth, neatly bite off dangling strands so that they will fall back onto the fork.
The alternative is to hold the fork in one hand and a large spoon in the other. Take a few strands of the pasta on the fork and place the tines against the bowl of the spoon, twirling the fork to neatly wrap the strands. For those who haven’t mastered the art of twirling pasta strands, there’s the simple cutting method. Just be sure not to cut the whole plateful at one time; instead, use your knife and fork to cut small portions.
Lasagna and other layered pastas. With layered pasta dishes such as ziti and lasagna, a string of melted cheese can stretch from plate to fork to mouth with every bite. Cutting portions through with a sharp knife should prevent the problem.
Penne and other tubular pastas. Clumps of small-sized tubular pastas can be speared with a fork, while rigatoni and other larger tubular pastas should be cut into bite-sized pieces.
Ravioli. Small ravioli can be eaten in one bite, but standard squares (about 2 × 2 inches), should be cut in half with your fork. If you eat Continental style, push the bites onto the fork with your knife.
Pastries
Traditionally, a dessertspoon and dessert fork are used when eating such pastries as cream puffs and éclairs; the pastry is held in place with the spoon and cut and eaten with the fork. Bite-sized pastries such as rugalach are eaten with the fingers. The general rule? If you can’t eat a pastry without getting it all over your fingers, switch to your utensils.
Breakfast pastries. Croissants are eaten with the fingers. When adding jelly, preserves, or the like, carefully tear off small pieces and spoon on the topping.
➢ Danish pastries are cut in half or in quarters and eaten either with fingers or fork.
➢ Popovers are opened and buttered before being eaten (in small pieces) with the fingers.
➢ Sticky buns should be cut in half or in quarters with a knife and eaten with the fingers. If a bun is too sticky, use a knife and fork.
Éclairs. These cream-filled puff pastries are always eaten with a knife and fork. Just cut into them gently so that the filling doesn’t squirt out.
Peaches and Nectarines
Peaches are cut to the pit, then broken in half and eaten. If you don’t like the fuzzy skin, peel the peach after halving it. When eating a nectarine (peeled or unpeeled, as desired), halve the fruit, remove the pit, and cut each half into two pieces.
Peas
To capture runaway peas, use your knife as a pusher to pile them onto your fork (held tines-up by necessity). Alternatively, use the tines of the fork to spear a few peas at a time. Never mash peas on the plate to make them easier to eat.
Pie
A slice of pie is cut and eaten with the fork, with the help of the dessertspoon if the crust is difficult to cut with the fork alone. When a slice of cheese is served with apple pie, it can be lifted with the fork and spoon, placed on top of the pie, and cut and eaten with each bite.
Pineapple
This rough and prickly tropical fruit is peeled, then sliced into round pieces and served on a plate. Use a dessertspoon and fork—the spoon for pushing the pieces, the fork for cutting and eating.
Pizza
Take your pick: (1) Fold a pizza slice vertically at the center (to keep the toppings intact) and eat it with your fingers; (2) leave the slice on the plate and cut a bite-sized piece with a knife and fork. Deep-dish or Sicilian pizza, on the other hand, is normally eaten with utensils.
Poultry
At a formal dinner, no part of a bird—be it chicken, turkey, game hen, quail, or squab— is picked up with the fingers. The exception is when a host encourages his guest to use fingers for eating the joints of small game birds served without gravy or sauce. The no-fingers rule doesn’t always apply when you’re dining at home or in a family-style or informal restaurant. It’s fine to eat fried chicken with your fingers and to do the same with the wings, joints, and drumsticks of other poultry. When eating a turkey drumstick, however, start with a knife and fork to eat the easily cut pieces of meat before you pick the drumstick up and eat the rest. With the exception of a meal of fried chicken, there are certain situations in which utensils are always used. When eating the breast of a bird, use your utensils to cut off as much meat as you can, then leave the rest on the plate. Also use utensils when boneless poultry pieces are covered with sauce or gravy or are baked, broiled, or sautéed.
Quesadillas and Empanadas
When served as an appetizer, a quesadilla—a flour tortilla topped with a mixture of cheese, refried beans, or other ingredients and then folded and grilled or baked—is cut into wedges and eaten with the fingers. When served whole as a main course, it is eaten with a fork and knife. Empanadas, which range in size from very small to quite large, are Mexican or Spanish turnovers filled with meat and vegetables. Small empanadas served as appetizers are finger food, while larger ones are eaten with a knife and fork.
Salad
When salad is served with a main course rather than before or after, it is best placed on a separate salad plate so that the salad dressing doesn’t mix with any gravy or sauce. Main-course salads—usually complete with pieces of chicken, shellfish, or cheeses and cold cuts—are put in the center of the place setting, just as any other entrée would be. What about cutting up salad leaves? Large pieces of lettuce or other salad greens can be cut with a fork— or, if they’re particularly springy, with a knife and fork. Just don’t cut salad into smaller pieces all at one time.
Sandwiches
Sandwiches more than an inch thick should be cut into halves or quarters before being picked up and held in the fingers of both hands—although a sandwich of any size can be eaten with a knife and fork. A knife and fork are always used for a hot openfaced sandwich covered in gravy or sauce.
Wraps. Burritos, gyros, and other sandwiches in which the filling is wrapped in thin, flat bread (usually tortillas or pita bread) are most easily eaten with the hands. Any filling that falls to the plate is eaten with a fork.
Shish Kebab
Shish kebab (chunks of meat and vegetables threaded onto skewers and then broiled or grilled) are eaten directly from the skewer only when they are served as an hors d’oeuvre. When eating shish kebab as a main course, lift the skewer and use your fork to push and slide the chunks off the skewer and onto your plate. Place the emptied skewer on the edge of your plate and use your knife and fork to cut the meat and vegetables into manageable pieces, one bite at a time.
Shrimp
Shrimp can be easy to eat or take a little work, depending on how they are served. The shrimp in a shrimp cocktail should be served peeled and are usually small enough to be eaten in one bite. The traditional utensil is an oyster fork, although any small fork will do. If the shrimp are bigger than one bite’s worth, just spear each shrimp with your fork and cut it on the plate on which it’s served. Shrimp served as a main course are eaten with a knife and fork. When squeezing lemon over the shrimp, use your cupped hand or a spoon to shield other diners from squirts. If sauce is served in a separate bowl, dip your shrimp into it only if the bowl is yours alone; if the dish is communal, either spoon a small pool of sauce onto your dinner plate for dipping or spoon it over your shrimp. In some shrimp dishes, including garlic prawns, the shrimp are served unpeeled. Pick up a shrimp, insert a thumbnail under the shell at the top end to loosen it, then work the shell free.
An extra plate should be provided to hold the discarded shells. Shrimp served as hors d’oeuvres are eaten with the fingers. Hold a shrimp by the tail and dip it into cocktail sauce, if you prefer; just be sure not to double dip.
Soups
When serving soup, place the soup plates or bowls on an underplate—or on a saucer if cups are used. When the soup is finished or the spoon is laid down, the spoon is left in the soup plate, not on the dish underneath. If the soup is served in a cup, the spoon is left on the saucer.
How to eat soup. Hold the soupspoon by resting the end of the handle on your middle finger, with your thumb on top. Dip the spoon sideways into the soup at the near edge of the bowl, then skim from the front of the bowl to the back. Sip from the side of the spoon, being careful not to slurp. To retrieve the last spoonful of soup, slightly tip the bowl away from you and spoon in the way that works best.If you want a bite of bread while eating your soup, don’t hold the bread in one hand and your soupspoon in the other. Instead, place the spoon on the underplate, then use the same hand to take the bread to your mouth.
French onion soup. This tricky-to-eat soup warrants its own guidelines. That’s because it is topped with melted cheese (notorious for stretching from bowl to mouth in an unbroken strand) with a slice of French bread underneath. To break through to the soup, take a small amount of cheese onto your spoon and twirl it until the strand forms a small clump. Then cut the strand off neatly by pressing the spoon edge against the edge of the bowl; you could also use a knife or fork for cutting. Eat the clump of cheese and then enjoy the soup. If any strands of cheese trail to your mouth, bite them off cleanly so that they fall into the bowl of the spoon.
Crackers or croutons. If oyster crackers come with the soup, place them on the underplate and add a few at a time to your soup with your fingers. Saltines and other larger crackers are kept on the bread plate and eaten with the fingers. They can also be crumbled over the soup and dropped in, two or three crackers at a time. Croutons are passed in a dish with a small serving spoon so that each person can scatter a spoonful or more over his soup directly from the serving dish.
Other garnishes. Garnish soups with such optional toppings as croutons, chopped onions, or chopped peppers before you begin eating. With your clean soupspoon, spoon a portion from the serving dish and sprinkle it directly into the soup; you needn’t place garnishes on your salad plate or bread plate unless you think you’ll be wanting more. Put the serving spoon back on the garnish’s underplate.
Tacos
Crisp tacos are eaten with the fingers, since cutting the crisp shell with a knife and fork will leave it cracked and crumbled. Do use a fork, however, for any filling that falls to the plate. Soft tacos, topped with a sauce, are eaten with a knife and fork; unsauced soft tacos can be eaten with the fingers.
Watermelon
Serve no more than a quarter of a small watermelon at one time. At picnics and other informal affairs, you can hold the slice in your hands and eat it bite by bite. When using a fork, carefully flick the seeds away with the tines and push them to the side of your plate; then use the edge of the fork to cut bite- sized pieces.
Boxes
You get a gold star for not bringing it up, since finding a hair, that proverbial fly in the soup, or any other foreign object should either remain unmentioned until the time is right or not discussed at all. At a private dinner, you don’t want to call the attention of the hostess or anyone else to the problem. You did your best in an awkward situation, and in the process saved the hostess any embarrassment. If a foreign object isn’t detected until you have it in your mouth, spit it quietly onto your fork or spoon and put it on the side of your plate. It’s then up to you whether to continue eating the food or let it be.
Wayward food. Occasionally running your tongue over your teeth may let you know if you have a bit of food caught between your teeth. If the food stays put, excuse yourself from the table and remove it in the restroom. If you notice food stuck in a fellow diner’s teeth or on her face or clothes, you’re doing a favor by telling her. If only the two of you are at the table, just say, “Millie, you seem to have a little something on your chin”; if you’re in a group, it’s better to silently signal Millie by catching her eye and lightly tapping your chin with your forefinger.
Coughing and sneezing. When you feel a sneeze or a cough coming on, cover your mouth and nose with a handkerchief or tissue—or your napkin, if that’s the only thing within reach. (In an emergency, your hand is better than nothing at all.) If a coughing or sneezing bout is prolonged, excuse yourself until it passes. Coughing and sneezing often lead to nose blowing. If you need to, excuse yourself and blow your nose in the restroom, being sure to wash your hands afterward.
Choking. If you choke on a bit of food and a sip of water doesn’t take care of the problem, cover your mouth (if you can, though that would hardly be the time to worry about manners!) and dislodge the food with a good cough. Then remove it in the most practical way you can. If you have to cough more than once or twice, excuse yourself and leave the table. Serious choking is another matter. If you find yourself unable to cough or speak, do whatever is necessary to get fellow diners to come to your aid. Thankfully, many people (and most restaurant personnel) are trained to perform the life-saving Heimlich Maneuver—a technique anyone will benefit from learning.
Using Chopsticks
Chopsticks are used to eat Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and a few other Asian foods. The secret to mastering these ancient utensils will hardly come as a surprise: patience and practice.The first thing you should know is which end of the sticks to use. The food you’re eating is picked up with the narrow end, while the broader end is used to pick up food from a communal serving plate. Once used, the small end of chopsticks should never touch any bowl or platter used by others.
A few more chopstick do’s and don’ts . . .
Do decide which piece of food you want before you start in on an appetizer platter with your chopsticks. Poking the food as you decide what you want is a no-no, and once your chopsticks have touched a piece of food, you must take it.
Do bite in half any dumplings and other small items that are a little too large to eat, holding the piece firmly in your chopsticks as you carefully bite.
Do raise your rice bowl to a point just under your chin when eating rice (unless you happen to be dining in Korea, where all dishes remain on the table).
Do rest your used chopsticks on your plate or a chopstick rest, not directly on the table.
Don’t pour any sauce over the food. Instead, use your chopsticks to dip a piece of food in the sauce (usually in your own small bowl) before raising it to your mouth.
Don’t tap chopsticks on a dish to attract the attention of the server.
Don’t grip the edge of a dish with chopsticks to pull it toward you.
Don’t stick chopsticks upright in your rice bowl, rest them on the rice bowl, or transfer food to another diner’s chopsticks. (These gestures are practiced only at Japanese funerals.)
Top Ten Table Manners Don’ts
➢ Chewing with your mouth open or talking with food in your mouth
➢ Slurping, smacking, blowing your nose, or making any other unpleasant noises
➢ Holding a utensil like a shovel
➢ Picking your teeth at the table—or, even worse, flossing
➢ Failing to place your napkin on your lap or not using it at all
➢ Taking a sip of a drink while still chewing food (unless you’re choking)
➢ Cutting up all your food at once
➢ Slouching over your place setting or leaning on your elbows while eating
➢ Executing the boardinghouse reach rather than asking someone to pass you something that’s far away
➢ Leaving the table without saying “excuse me”
About the book
Emily Post's Etiquette, 17th Edition is not your grandmother's guide to manners. The most respected authority on all things proper since 1922, Emily Post's Etiquette has been completely rewritten by Peggy Post, Emily Post's great-granddaughter-in-law, to help you conduct yourself with courtesy appropriate for today's contemporary living.
Post offers advice for handling modern situations such as online dating, "blended" families and breastfeeding or pumping at the office. Guidelines are given for using high-tech devices like cell phones, e-mail and instant messaging. There is even a discussion on the inappropriateness of displaying body piercings at a job interview.
Fortunately, when updating the book to address modern advances and changes, Post did not disregard the situations and concerns that have remained important through the years. Emily Post's Etiquette, 17th Edition is packed with timeless advice on matters such as table manners, introductions, displaying the flag and responding to invitations. Entertaining, planning and attending weddings and communication are covered in detail.
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