GREATLY EXAGGERATED DEATHS

The incorrect announcement of someone’s demise isn’t the preserve of the ‘fake news’ era.

1. ERNEST HEMINGWAY

Lived 1899-1961
The writer and his wife, Mary, endured plane crashes in successive days on a trip to Africa in 1954. The obituary writers got busy, but – although seriously injured – the couple survived both accidents. Hemingway then spent his recuperation gleefully reading a succession of printed tributes, presumably with his customary drink close to hand.

2. ROBERT GRAVES

Lived 1895-1985
In 1916, Robert Graves was not yet a celebrated poet, but a young oldier sufering what would surely be fatal wounds. His commanding officer began to compose a familiar letter: “Dear Mrs Graves. I very much regret to have to write and tell you your son has died...” After the letter was despatched to Britain, the 20-year-old rallied to make a sterling recovery. He would live for almost 70 more years.

3. IAN DURY

Lived 1942-2000
In 1998, the death of singer Ian Dury was announced on London radio station XFM by guest presenter Bob Geldof. “I felt very cross with Bob,” explained the frontman of Ian Dury and the Blockheads a few days later. “He didn’t check his sources. He apologised over the airwaves, but he hasn’t apologised to me. What would have happened if my family had heard that broadcast?”

4. ALFRED NOBEL

Lived 1833-1896
In 1888, the death of Alfred Nobel’s brother was announced as his own. As the inventor of dynamite, he was described by one French newspaper as “the merchant of death” who “became rich by finding more ways to kill people faster than ever before”. Shocked, Nobel was determined to improve his legacy, leaving money in trust after his actual death in 1896 to set up the Nobel Prizes.

5. MARK TWAIN

Lived 1835-1910
The author and humourist sufered the ignominy of being prematurely announced dead twice. After the first time, he famously noted that “the report of my death was an exaggeration”. After the second occasion, when the New York Times suggested he had been the victim of a yachting accident, Twain declared, in the same paper, that he would “make an exhaustive investigation of this report that I have been lost at sea”.

6. MARCUS GARVEY

Lived 1887-1940
In January 1940, the Jamaican black nationalist sufered a stroke. Having recovered by May, a copy of the Chicago Defender newspaper landed through the letter-box of his London home. Its pages contained an obituary that reported he had died “broke, alone and unpopular”. Reading it had dire consequences, according to his secretary. “He was faced with clippings of his own obituary and pictures of himself with deep black borders. He collapsed in his chair and could hardly be understood after that.” Garvey had sufered a second stroke and passed away shortly after.

7. SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE

Lived 1772-1834
In 1816, a man’s body was found hanging from a tree in London’s Hyde Park and was identified, from the name stitched into his jacket, as Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Only after the death notices were printed was it discovered that the jacket had been stolen from the very-much-alive poet. On hearing someone reading one such report out loud, Coleridge piped up: “It is a most extraordinary thing that he should have hanged himself, be the subject of an inquest, and yet that he should at this moment be speaking to you.”

8. JOE DIMAGGIO

Lived 1914-1999
In January 1999, the baseball legend (and former Mr Marilyn Monroe) was relaxing at home, watching television with his friend and lawyer Morris Engelberg. When he changed channels to NBC, he was greeted by the scrolling news announcing his death. Engelberg was quick with the quip, “Joe, we must be in heaven together”. DiMaggio died for real in March.

9. HAROLD PINTER

Lived 1930-2008
In the television age, the race to be first with breaking news can backfire. One such example came in October 2005, and was far from the finest hour of Sky News or of newscaster Ginny Buckley. “The playwright Harold Pinter, I believe, has just died. News just…” Then a pause. A very awkward pause. “He’s won the Nobel Prize for Literature.”

10. RUDYARD KIPLING

Lived 1865-1936
The poet and author was another to experience the dubious pleasure of reading about his own demise. His response to the magazine that had been too quick off the mark to publish his obituary was deliciously tart: “I’ve just read that I am dead. Don’t forget to delete me from your list of subscribers"

Written by Nige Tassell in "History Revealed", UK, issue 59, September 2018, excerpts pp. 62-63. Digitized, adapted and illustrated to be posted by Leopoldo Costa.