Although the lewd in mind may think they have landed on their feet, you would be wise to stay on your toes instead. During the Pornocracy – or the Age of Harlots, as it is also known – you are just as likely to find yourself stabbed in the back as you are to get caught up in a bacchanalia.
The women of the aristocratic House of Theophylact, particularly Theodora and her daughter Marozia, pull the strings in the Papal States, deciding for themselves who will be pope, as well as brutally dispatching those they don’t like.
Although many historians will blame these ‘harlots’ for the period’s horrors, this is merely reflective of the distrust and sexism often directed toward powerful women. Others prefer to refer to this nadir in the history of the Papal States as the 'saeculum obscurum' (Latin for dark age) as neither man, woman nor beast comes out free of sin in the eyes of God.
WHERE TO STAY
For glamour, gluttony and gold there is no more exciting city than Rome. It is the epicentre of politics and culture, and home to the highs and lows of society. There is no better place to forge your career and no better place to see it smashed to a thousand pieces. Spend your evenings on the Isola Tiberina, an island in the middle of the River Tiber, to experience the pleasures and dangers of the night. Hang around with the right people long enough and you too could see yourself taking the role of pope.
WHO TO BEFRIEND
Marozia
As well as being the mistress, murderess, mother and grandmother of popes, this canny noblewoman became senatrix and patrician of Rome, and queen consort of Italy. Ever since she was the teenage lover of Pope Sergius III, producing a bastard heir, she aligned herself with those who could help her further consolidate power, while killing those that stood in her way. Despite years of supreme influence, and ensuring the House of Theophylact dominated the Papal States for years to come, things did not end well for Marozia. She was topped by her own scheming son Duke Alberic II who imprisioned her in a tower for five years until her death in 937.
WHO TO AVOID
Pope John XII
A synod of bishops once called this pontiff a “monster without a single virtue to atone for his many vices". It is perhaps no surprise then that he mutilated many of them for their treacher. The grandson of Marozia, he ascended to the papacy around the age of 18 in 955. He lived a life of brazen immorality, making the sacred Lateran Palace his brothel. Fittingly he died in 964 after being caught in the act of adultery. As a ruler, he was cruel and duplicitous, but also foolish, turning the Holy Roman Emperor Otto I into an enemy, and almost being dethroned by
him in 963.
HELPFUL SKILLS
Seduction
In a time where sexuality is a valuable tool, learning the art of seduction will help you get what you want.
Ruthlessness
You’ll get nowhere following the righteous path. You must be willing to turn on your family, lovers and friends if you wish to stay ahead.
Gambling
A popular activity for everyone from the lowliest citizen to the pope himself. How better to make money and powerful friends?
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DOS & DON'TS
Follow orders
With the majority of popes earning their position only at the whims of the ruling nobles in Rome, not doing what you are told after can end in disfigurement or, even worse, death.
Bring your bow
Hunting boar is a favourite pastime of the upper classes. Have your horse ready and waiting when you leave mass.
Blind your rivals
One of the popular ways to see off a rival during this time is to blind them. This way, they no longer pose a threat, but remain
alive to suffer!
Learn your proverbs
While no-one will expect you to walk the walk during this period, boning up on the Bible will ensure you can at least talk the talk.
Look to the pope for guidance
With their constant gambling, orgies and drinking, it’s safe to say you would be better off teaching yourself the word of God.
Be afraid to fight
When the Saracen raiders invade, you don’t want to be caught between the sheets.
Take the job of pope
It may sound glamorous, but most who accept the post meet a suspicious end.
Visit Castel Sant’Angelo
This is a beautiful papal residency, but also serves as a prison for foes of the ruling classes.
In "All About History" UK, issue 70, 2018, excerpts pp.84-85. Digitized, adapted and illustrated to be posted by Leopoldo Costa.
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