HOW WOMEN TEST GUYS

By now, you've gotten something of a grasp on why women test guys and what they really want. Of course, another key to knowing what's going on inside a woman's mind is how she'll test you. Once you know this, you can anticipate it and respond accordingly.

But here's the thing—it may seem like a “head game.” It may seem like she is trying to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do, or make you feel a certain way if you do something really, really small, but it's still something she doesn't approve of. That kind of action is purely out of conditioning and ego. That's something she's likely learned this lifetime, rather than it being an ages-old human response.

A woman who tests you to see if you're a good mate to be with—and stick with--is largely coming from those old hardwired, millenia-old impulses that want to be sure she's with a guy who will not just help keep her safe (even strong-minded women love to feel safe and protected—it's a human thing, not just a female thing), but be a good mate and companion, overall. It's difficult for a woman, even one in the 21st century to feel like she wants to have your back if she doesn't feel you have hers. Even if it's about whether you'll respect her desire to be independent, or if you'll take control a bit too much and do things for her, which a grown woman doesn't want. It'll just make her feel incompetent.

Plus, many men often say a woman will throw various curveballs into their relationships by saying, “Why don’t you,” or “you always,” or “you ever.” It's a way of stirring up drama and keeping guys on their toes, so to speak. It's to make sure he's paying attention to what's going on between them.

Women, it is said, seem to have this continual “improve-the-situation” mentality. It is not entirely clear why, even to the truly self-aware women out there. However, it is true that when it feels like there's no novelty or surprise in a relationship, and things are coasting along, a certain kind of humdrum feeling can set in. Believe it or not, both men and women crave novelty and challenge. The human brain actually grows and evolves when there's some sort of thing to take on and overcome.

However, when it comes to relationships, men have this tendency to prefer things to coast along. It means they don't have to feel so on-their-guard. They can actually relax for once and enjoy the moment. So when women test them, try their emotions and patience, it can send guys into something of an emotional overload. Their own hardwired caveman tendencies kick in and they think, “Is something wrong? What do I do to fix things so things are happy again? Is my partner okay? What's going on?”

It's something akin to a fire drill you might have experienced at school. It jars the human fight-or-flight response system in both men and women. But in relationships, that kind of continual testing is a bit much, right?

So, how do women test men, in any stage of a relationship?

Here are some examples. You might have experienced them, or heard other men talk about them at one point or another.

While Dating...

Let's go back to Peter, the guy with the insight into women's minds—and the smooth moves.

Before he met Donna, one of his former girlfriends, Trixie, absolutely loved testing him because he passed every time. One of the tests she ran on him while they were dating was something she had done with her previous boyfriends: she, upon tasting her meal, complained that something was not cooked right, and asked Peter to do something about it.

He then answered with a smirk on his face: “Well, I would, but I want to see just how much of a fuss you raise with him as you just did with me.”

That earned him some serious “points” so to speak, as not only did he have something of a humorous comeback to her test, but she really knew she could stand on her own two feet, yet wanted to see if Peter would respect that ability, or be the kind of guy to fix things for her instead of treat her as a grown woman. He saw right through her test and passed with flying colors.

Another test she “ran” on him was the “Co-dependent or Not?” test where, upon giving him her number, she went and did her own thing. If he called her right away, it meant that he was kind of desperate to have her in his life, that he had nothing else going for him. If, however, he waited for a couple more days to talk to her before their first date, which told her he had a life beyond having a girlfriend. It meant he wouldn't be overly possessive and jealous of whatever she did beyond a relationship.

While In a Solid Relationship

Another woman in his past, Rochelle, with whom he had an apartment for a while, had something of a different tactic to keep him noticing things. Again, it was nothing that would really “go for the jugular” of his ego, but it was still a detail-based test. One test in particular was that of birthday shopping for her mother early on into their relationship. She wanted to see if he remembered not just her mom's birthday, but the kind of stuff that would be considered an appropriate, thoughtful gift.

Rochelle: “Hey, would you go pick up a birthday card for my mom? It's her birthday next week, and I really don't have time to go looking. I am swamped at work and it's taking all my energy.”

Peter: “What? Next week? I thought it was the week afterward.”

Rochelle: “No, silly, it's on the 15th. You must really have your dates mixed up.”

Peter: “Yeah, I must.” He smirks a bit. “Is a generic blank piece of folded-up printer paper with crayon drawings okay, or are you looking for something specific?”

Rochelle: “Oh, Peter!” She laughs. “Get specific, definitely! Nothing homemade either. She's religious, and doesn't have much of a sense of humor, so none of the silly cards you get for me will work. I like those, but she doesn't. How I ended up her daughter, I don't know. Oh, and definitely pick up something religious and knick-knacks, yet useful. Like a calendar.”

So, Peter goes off and does a little card and present shopping. He gets an ornate, flowery card with an obvious Bible verse and a poem with nothing but the most saccharine of poetry inside, and a Biblical inspiration calendar. Along the way, he stops for a bouquet of white roses, remembering that Rochelle's mom grows them. He takes all three home and Rochelle smiles.

Rochelle: “Nice work! You got the type of poetry spot on, and the calendar matches up perfectly. And the white roses are her favorite.”

Peter (to himself): “Yes! Home run!”

Rochelle and Peter eventually went their separate ways, owing to other circumstances, but in that moment, he passed her detail-oriented test. Not just because he paid attention to what she wanted to give her mother, but because of the white roses as well. Because he is a big-picture dude, he saw how having this kind of experience with Rochelle would serve him well with other girlfriends down the line.

However, later on, he ended up meeting this one woman, Gina, who really threw him some curveballs. She loved drama, being dramatic, and acting like certain things he did was some sort of sign that the relationship was doomed. Naturally, Peter got tired of being the coolheaded, reassuring one. After that relationship fell through, he and his brothers got together for a barbecue. Peter, being a typical guy, wasn't one to be overly dramatic and brooding about things, but, all the same, he was really ticked that Gina had done what she did. Here's that conversation, plus a little extra info thrown Ray's way about getting a date with the grocery girl:

Ray: “Wow, Pete. You look really bummed about something. More like mad.”

Peter: “Remember Gina? She broke up with me.”

Ray: “Sorry to hear that, bro. What happened?”

Peter: “Ugh. I don't know if I wanna talk about it. It's embarrassing. You know how I have this knack for seeing through women and their tests, knowing what's coming?”

Ray: “Yeah. What about it? Did Gina really give you the third degree about coming home late after a few brewskies?”

Peter: “Not too often, since I don't really get drunk that often. But this wasn't your typical female test to see if I can keep my cool while she throws fits.”

Ray: “Oh, so that's a test, huh?”

Peter: “Yeah. Women like testing men in certain ways—like being dramatic, for instance--to see if they can keep their cool and not stress out too much if women freak out. They want their guy to be the rational, steady one in a conflict. Only thing is, I can only take so much of being tested the way Gina tested me. She really tried my patience in a way I've never been tried before, and to be brutally honest, it really sucked.”

Egon (butting in): “Doesn't sound like Gina's the right girl for any man. I doubt I would have kept my cool with her for too much longer than you did, Peter.”

Ray: “A man would have to have the patience of a saint.”

Peter: “Well, that leaves out the three of us, then. In any case, I feel like I seriously failed all of Gina's testing, because she was just too much, even for me. And I'm usually the one who sees through that stuff at the very get-go.”

Ray: “You haven't failed, Peter. You just had an unfortunate experience with a woman who took this testing thing a bit too far. She might even have been somewhat insecure about herself and wanted to drag you down so she could feel in control. That's never good. From what you've told me about women doing this testing stuff, the women who do this without destroying a man's ego are the ones who are self-confident enough to start a conversation, be in a relationship, and be relatively coolheaded in a crisis themselves, even if they fall apart afterwards. It's when they fall apart that you get to take charge and comfort them. And they obviously like that. At least that's what I've heard from you.”

Peter (his focus being taken off his ex): “Speaking of which, have you asked that grocery cashier out yet?”

Ray: “I've made up my mind to ask her out as soon as this barbecue is done with.”

Peter: “Unh-unh. Go be a man of action. You've told me she's given signals that she likes you. So go make the move. Ask her, and take charge.”

Ray: “You gonna be okay?”

Peter: “Don't worry about me. She'll like that you're concerned about me, though.” Peter smirks. “Women like it when we care about our bros. So go on. But I definitely recommend changing your clothes. Ditch the t-shirt and shorts and go for your usual polo and dress slacks. Women like it when we dress up, just as much as we like it when they get all dolled up. But they would rather we be ourselves, and be comfortable with whatever we like to wear.”

Ray: “Man, that's a fine line to walk. But I have the feeling it's worth it.”

Peter: “You bet it is. And yes, that fashion tip was a clue to passing their little tests. Go get 'er, Ray!”

Granted, there are many ways that women will test men that aren't included in this chapter. If we were to include all of them, it would be a really, really big book at the very end. And the whole point is not to completely spoon-feed information, but at least get you to the point where you're aware of women's tests, you know how to spot them, and subsequently test them right back if you feel comfortable doing that.

Written by Bryan Bruce in "The Female Logic - 7 Strategies on How To Decode and Understand What A Woman Wants When She Is Testing You", Digitized, adapted and illustrated to be posted by Leopoldo Costa.