WHAT IS AYAHUASCA?

The term “Ayahuasca” is a Quechua name that refers to the plant Banisteriopsis Caapi, a vine native to the Amazon rainforest, as well as to any of the various infusions or decoctions prepared from the same plant and used for shamanic, medicinal, religious, and spiritual purposes.

The vine contains the beta-carboline harmala alkaloids and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) harmine, harmaline, and tetrahydroharmine. Although recipes vary from area to area, the brew known as Ayahuasca (or “Yagé” in Colombia) is usually made from this vine and another plant containing DMT (N,N-dimethyltryptamine), a powerful hallucinogenic alkaloid which is active orally only when combined with an MAOI. The most common DMT-rich plants used in the Peruvian Amazon jungle are Psychotria viridis (“Chakruna” in Quechua) and Diplopterys cabrerana (also known as “Chagropanga,” “Chaliponga,” or “Huambisa”).

Even though according to the Western viewpoint DMT is the active principle in the brew, Amazonian shamans believe that it is the Ayahuasca vine that is the real healer, “la planta maestra”: traditionally, the ingestion of Ayahuasca is not about having the extraordinary visions that have made this medicine popular and mythical, but primarily about cleansing, healing, and connecting with our own truths, wisdom, and intelligence.

My own personal feeling is that the Ayahuasca vine works primarily on the peripheral and enteric nervous system, a clear sign of this being the intense diarrhea it often produces, whereas the DMT-containing ingredients affect the central nervous system as indicated by the strong effects on the visual cortex, and the feeling of the medicine reaching every part of one’s physical body and the not-uncommon experience of being “rewired.”

The brew is prepared by cutting and smashing portions of the vine, and soaking them overnight in water together with the Chakruna plant. They are then boiled for several hours until a thick, syrupy liquid is obtained. Each shaman will add his or her own touch to the brew, often including other ingredients to the basic recipe, such as Datura (Brugmansia) or jungle Tobacco (Nicotiana rustica).

Ayahuasca is commonly known in the Amazon basin as “la purga,” the purge. The strong vomit-inducing properties of this medicine make it a well-deserved title. But the purgative effects of Ayahuasca do not end here. Under the ego-dissolving effects of this medicine we become once again aware that the separation between body, mind, and spirit is only in our heads, i.e., a trick of the mind; so the cleansing action of Ayahuasca is one that encompasses the entirety of our being: in our physical body, in the emotional body, the mind, the soul, and the spirit. This is a reality experienced by almost every person who has taken this medicine.

Due to its cleansing properties, drinking Ayahuasca involves first and foremost the openness of one’s heart and mind to letting go of all those things that we carry within that may have been important or even necessary to our physical and emotional survival, but no longer serve us in the present time and have actually become obstacles to our very own development and evolution.

We spend our lives gathering objects, experiences, and relationships. We also learn ways to cope with certain situations: sometimes the emotions sparked by certain experiences are too intense or painful, or the environment in which we find ourselves is not supportive of the full expression of certain emotional states, for instance in the case of the loss of someone dear. So we learn to repress certain emotions, sometimes to the point of denying them. Traumatic or challenging experiences that have not been given full permission to be experienced are left half-baked in our psyche: we carry their weight without knowing that healing and letting go are available to us if we are only shown how. Living life while carrying so much emotional and mental baggage can be difficult if not impossible: we go to this medicine asking for healing and this is what it delivers.

When I think of Ayahuasca, the most immediate image that comes to mind is that of snakes of light. The snake is a universal symbol of healing and medicine, and in the Andean cosmology it is also the king of the Underworld, which to me is everything right underneath the Earth’s crust and therefore represents the immense healing and nurturing energies of the Earth itself.

As a cosmic symbol of the divine Kundalini,5 this snake speaks of the infinite potential and energies that lie dormant at the very root of our being. Similar to the uncoiled Kundalini that reaches from the bottom of our spine in classical Tantric descriptions, the Ayahuasca vine grows from the ground towards the top of the jungle canopy where its main nutrient, sunshine, lies aplenty.

Plants have the unique characteristic of being able to synthesize from light most of the energy they need for living and thriving – they are practically made of light. Translating this image on a personal level, I feel that the Ayahuasca vine is a mirror of the human condition, born in the depth of the womb and forever reaching for the Divine Light represented by the sun. For me the drinking of Ayahuasca is always the ingestion of Pure Light that brings light, lightness, and enlightenment to the darkest and heaviest parts of my being so I can live my life more fully and in accordance with my divine nature.

TWO AYAHUASCA LEGENDS

Once upon a time there lived in the jungle a beautiful young maiden. Every day at sunset she would go to a clearing by the river to bathe and nothing pleased her more than to wash using the leaves of a Chakruna bush that grew nearby.

Every day she would scrub her body with the Chakruna leaves, singing and praising their qualities and soft feel on her skin. Her devotion to that plant grew so much that one day the Chakruna bush started speaking to her, thus saying, “Dear lady, you have been so nice and grateful to me that I want to reciprocate your gratitude by revealing a secret to you no other human has ever known, and one that your people will treasure forever. You see that snake-like vine wrapping itself around that tree over there? Well, if you mix my leaves with that vine and cook them for hours, you will prepare a drink that will open your spirit to the secrets of this jungle and heal your body of all your aches and ills.”

And so it was that the magical mixture of Ayahuasca was revealed to our ancestors in the jungle.

It is told in the jungle that a long time ago a very powerful medicine man, not content with his knowledge, which was already very vast, called his entire clan to his house. There, in front of everybody, he vowed to sit in meditation until the deepest secrets of the jungle would be revealed to him. That very night he went and sat against a tree. He sat there, motionlessly, in deep meditation. The food his family would bring to him, he would not touch and the dogs would eat. The water his beloved wife would leave by his side he would not touch. Days and weeks went by, the shaman was slowly withering until one day his breath was no longer with him and life seemed to have left his body.

Following his instructions, his body was left where he had been sitting until one day, to the surprise of all the villagers, out of his limbs now decaying started sprouting the first shoots of what was to become the very first Ayahuasca vine on Earth.

The Amazon jungle is a land of legends and myths. The lack of a written tradition is more than compensated for by an abundantly rich oral tradition, where wisdom, knowledge, and traditions are passed down from generation to generation.

To enter the Amazon jungle is to visit another world, a different dimension where events take on different meanings than in westernized cultures. It was during my first Ayahuasca ceremony with a Shipibo shaman outside Iquitos that I realized I had to leave my westerly ways behind and embrace without judgment or preconceived ideas what was happening to me: I was entering a magic world where most of my education and thought patterns were pretty useless.

One of the questions that has haunted many, me included, is how did humans discover the recipe for the Ayahuasca brew? The Ayahuasca vine and the Chakruna plant bear no resemblance and don’t grow together. Considering the incredible variety of Amazonian flora, it would take millennia of scientific trial and error before discovering such a powerful combination.

The two myths here succinctly told give us an idea of the relationship between humans and their environment in the Amazon jungle. In the first one we become aware of a fact that is one of the principal tenets of Amazonian shamanism: plants are living entities and capable of communication, and often in connection with humans.

Chinese medicine and folk medicine around the world make use of the distinctive traits of each plant as a way of interpreting and deciphering their properties. Intuition is often the key in understanding the ways of Nature. In Amazonian shamanism, in particular through the “dieta” process, the concept is taken even further: by engaging in a special diet and drinking extracts of a particular plant, humans enter in direct connection and communication with plants, their energy, and spirit. This may be a way of not only reconnecting with plants and Nature, but also with our ancestral capacity to do so and walk upon this Earth as integral parts of it and no longer alienated from it.

The other important aspect of the first story is the fact that the main human character is a woman. Despite the fact that nowadays the majority of shamans are male, this tale reminds us that women are naturally connected with the powers of Nature. In patriarchal cultures this original role of healers and shamans has been taken away from women, and in today’s race for equality most women still struggle to reconnect with the energies of Nature that run so deeply in their very being, but from which they have been long alienated in the course of human history.

In this first myth our Amazonian Eve is shown the Tree of Knowledge. This does not result in her expulsion from the Garden of Eden, but on the contrary, it leads to a deeper connection with its energies: since the beginning of its use, Ayahuasca has become the key in Amazonian shamanism and culture to access both the secrets of the Forest and the mysteries of the Spirit.

In the second myth another very interesting aspect of the connection between humans and Nature is described. Here it is Man himself to become the first Ayahuasca vine, stressing the interconnectedness between all things and creatures on the planet. In the wider vision of Amazonian spirituality there is no hierarchy between species: all creatures have their own place in the vast design of Creation. It is a fluid universe where the unity of all living beings means not only their reciprocal interconnection but also facilitates their communication and identity. In the same way that a shaman can take on the appearance and moves of a jaguar or an eagle, he can also turn into a vine. And so the vine embodies the highest of human qualities: wisdom.

The myth also illustrates the deep connection of humans and the vine of Ayahuasca, to the point of a total identity between the two. It indicates to which extent the use of Ayahuasca is important to the people of the jungle: Ayahuasca, as the transformation of a shaman, who is one of the most important figures in jungle societies, is also able to reflect back to humans their highest potential and spiritual nature. Drinking Ayahuasca then becomes not only a way of connecting with a plant spirit, but also with the knowledge and wisdom of all of humanity as well as the medicine people that have worked with it throughout history.

PAST AND PRESENT USE: THE ROLE OF AYAHUASCA IN THE AMAZON BASIN YESTERDAY AND TODAY; AYAHUASCA IN THE WORLD TODAY

According to oral tradition and the few written materials available to us today,6 shamans and Amazon natives have been using Ayahuasca for thousands of years. Ayahuasca is the central spiritual sacrament for many ethnic groups in the Amazon basin, the main technique of ecstasy and spiritual trance for shamans all over the jungle.

It is referred to as the “Mother of all Plants” in that it provides shamans with a way of communicating and interacting with all the other plant teachers and medicines of the jungle, as well as other energies and spirits of the Earth and the Heavens.

In tribal ceremonies Ayahuasca is said to have also been used to create a telepathic connection among its members, as well as the energies and spirits of the jungle – because of this, the first ethnobotanists called the active ingredient in Ayahuasca “telepathine.” During Ayahuasca ceremonies, the participants would connect with animal spirits to find better hunting grounds, and with plant spirits for healing, as well as the source of imbalances that may be affecting the tribe.

Another important aspect of Ayahuasca use is the reconnection not only with the spirit world, populated with power animals, spirits of Nature, heavenly energies, and extraterrestrial beings, but also with the spirits of ancestors and the spirit of the tribe. As an ego-dissolving substance, Ayahuasca enhances the unity of the tribe members and facilitates their cohesion and sense of community.

Today mestizo communities, which account for the majority of the Amazon population, use Ayahuasca mostly for healing purposes, both physical and spiritual. Sometimes it is only the shaman that drinks Ayahuasca in order to find and cure the ills afflicting the patient. In other occasions both shaman and patient drink the brew.

The use of Ayahuasca is definitely a science, but also an art that varies greatly from region to region and even among medicine people of the same area. The people who insist on claiming to know and own the only way of using this medicine ought to be looked upon with some suspicion: as in all spiritual traditions, the paths may differ greatly but the ultimate destination remains the same.

In the last couple of centuries and with the migration of outsiders into jungle territories, Amazonian shamanism has moved beyond the boundaries of remote tribes. On the one hand there has been a renaissance in the connection between medicine people from the jungle and those from the Andean region, a connection that has always been strong since the dawn of civilization with a constant exchange of goods and knowledge, but more recently radically facilitated by improved traveling conditions. On the other hand a new breed of shamans, called “vegetalistas,” has come into existence. These are people not necessarily native from the jungle but trained in the ways of Amazonian shamanism and plant medicine. Vegetalistas are often seen working in more urban areas, both within and out the Amazon basin. By working within a different social context, their work primarily involves healing.

Another interesting phenomenon of Ayahuasca use is the birth of new Christian-based churches that use Ayahuasca as their main sacrament. Best known among them are the Church of Santo Daime and the União do Vegetal, both originally from Brazil and created by Brazilian rubber tappers working in the Amazon region. These churches have developed rituals quite different from the ones in the shamanic tradition but seem to provide their members with a very valuable experience nonetheless.

As a matter of fact a myriad of ways of using Ayahuasca has seen the light of day recently: in the wake of post-modernity and neo-shamanism we can now participate in ceremonies and retreats that combine the use of Ayahuasca with elements of Christian or Buddhist teachings, psychotherapy, and countless other disciplines.

This may also be interpreted as part of a global phenomenon that calls for the respectful sharing of native knowledge, once kept secret but now being exchanged for the benefit of all humanity. To the purist’s eye, the mixing of different cultural traditions may seem like blasphemy, but to the visionary it is proof of a simple yet important fact: the spirit of Ayahuasca is now engaged in working with as many people as possible, quickly moving out of its native territory to become a globally available medicine that speaks different languages in order to be better understood by larger groups of people.

After my last visit to the jungle to study with my teacher and listening to him, I can see how important it is to remain aware that no matter how far this medicine has travelled beyond the Amazon jungle, Ayahuasca is not just a brew or a chemical compound, but an energy that carries within it a whole world, physical, psychic, and spiritual. To hold this awareness with utmost respect seems to me particularly important the more widespread and popular this medicine becomes.

HEALING AND AYAHUASCA FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

The concepts of healing, and emotional and spiritual health have evolved over the course of millennia, particularly in the West and in all cultures touched for better or worse by its influence. Since the birth of hypnosis and psychoanalysis, our perception of what it is to be human has been shifting progressively towards models and interpretations that are more and more holistic rather than the mechanistic view imposed by the scientific method that began in the 1700’s. Instead of a machine that simply needed to be well oiled in order to perform optimally, the idea of the human physiological and psychological experience has broadened and deepened. This began with the introduction of the concept of the unconscious, both individual and collective. When one considers the influence of viable notions such as reincarnation, karmic realities, and extrasensory perception, which all led to the human potential movement, as well as transpersonal and depth psychology, we see a vastly expanded model of being. This evolution and philosophical expansion would not have happened without the respectful exposure that Western culture has had with Native cultures and philosophies from around the world.

The mainstream ideologies of the Judeo-Christian tradition of the West had been for a long time centered around an increasing demonization of the physical body and its natural drives, of sexuality, and of the Feminine in general – and one could easily affirm that one of the main benefits of the scientific revolution has at least been the freedom to challenge and discuss openly such ancient beliefs and dogmas without getting burned at the stake. During the many centuries of Christian religious supremacy in Europe, the mind had become mainly an instrument of severe self-repression and guilt-inducing thought patterns, constantly working to drive deeper and deeper into the unconscious those aspects of human life considered immoral and sinful by the religious authorities. Excessive repression leads eventually to rebellion, and in the last two centuries we have benefitted from the birth of many liberation movements that have reclaimed the natural dignity of women, gay people, racial minorities, as well as native populations all over the world. As a whole the shift has been towards greater and greater acceptance and recognition of humanity in all its expressions. As a result the concept of healing has moved from the need to “fix” and conform to one of acceptance and celebration of the many expressions of the human experience. In this light, health and healing have become synonyms of wholeness and the intrinsic holiness of every individual and social or ethnic group.

The use of Ayahuasca has therefore become one of the many tools to recover and remember such wholeness and holiness: by letting go of old wounds and judgments we are once again able to accept, love, and celebrate who we are in our totality. The contemporary use of Ayahuasca applied to such goals is deeply indebted not only to the survival of valuable traditional healing methods, but also to the development in the 1950’s and 1960’s of therapeutic work which combined established modes of psychotherapy with mind-altering substances (such as Mescaline and LSD) and altered states of consciousness in general.7 These therapeutic modalities, which were developed to assist individuals in recovering and healing deeply concealed traumas and even past-life occurrences, became the groundbreaking guidelines for many subsequent healing therapies such as Gestalt, Rebirthing, Holotropic Breathwork, and many forms of neo-shamanism.

These new healing modalities are not only meant for healing but also support our reconnection to the transpersonal and the transcendental. The importance of reconnecting with our own divinity and the sacredness of Life as part of our path toward health and wholeness is being recognized more and more, and so the mystical visions and deeply spiritual experiences and awakenings that one can achieve by engaging with Ayahuasca are totally in alignment with our most recent discoveries of what it means to be healthy today.

HOW AYAHUASCA WORKS: CHEMISTRY AND SOUL THERAPY

Despite the claims and advances of modern medicine and science, we are actually quite ignorant about the mechanisms of the brain in particular, and the connection between the physical body and the spirit in general. Somehow the psyche, consciousness, and the Life force are aspects of our Universe that continue to elude even the finest of our scientists. Or maybe they are simply beyond the realm of traditional science as we have known it for the last few centuries. Models meant to provide an understanding of our own reality and existence, continue to evolve: they are the final answer to our queries, yet far from being written.

In terms of chemistry, the two main ingredients of the Ayahuasca brew act synergistically: the dimethyltryptamines alkaloids in the Chakruna plant are prevented from breaking down in the digestive tract by the harmine and and harmaline present in the Ayahuasca vine. Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) is a naturally occurring compound of the tryptamine family, very similar to monoamine neurotransmitters like serotonin and other psychedelic compounds such as psilocin, the active molecule of psilocybin.

Because of the close resemblance to serotonin, there is a risk of overloading the system with neurotransmitters with possible negative results. Therefore people who are under medical treatment of all sorts of antidepressants and medications that affect the nervous system are highly discouraged from drinking Ayahuasca until at least three months after discontinuing the use of these medications. This is particularly important in the case of SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors), a class of antidepressants used in the treatment of depression and anxiety disorders. Among these medications are Prozac, Fluctin, Celexa, and Zoloft. By the way, I have witnessed how the use of Ayahuasca to treat chronic depression, where the illness is so deep reaching that brain chemistry is affected, is often a very lengthy process and not one where success is always guaranteed.

Otherwise there are no restrictions to drinking Ayahuasca: this is a natural medicine, and easily metabolized by the body, DMT being a naturally occurring substance, produced in small quantities by the pineal gland in the brain as well. Its ingestion causes no hangovers, chemical or psychological addiction, or post-use “downs,” unlike most recreational drugs popular today. The “Hoasca Project” study conducted in Brazil in the early 1990’s has actually reported as part of its findings that the use of Ayahuasca improves the body’s ability to produce serotonin, quite unlike drugs like cocaine and ecstasy, which in the long run not only deplete this important neurotransmitter but also weakens the ability of the body to produce it.

What is more interesting are the ways this medicine acts on the human spirit and consciousness: without strict scientific methods, we can examine how Ayahuasca works on the spirit mostly on an empirical basis by looking at its effects on those who drink it.

SHADOW AND LIGHT

Ayahuasca, like other entheogens such as Peyote, San Pedro cactus (Huachuma) or LSD, acts as a powerful mirror, capable of reflecting back to us our most hidden and best-kept secrets: not only the ones we are ashamed of, but also the beautiful ones we are somehow uncomfortable with – our talents, gifts, and real passions.8 To the drinker of Ayahuasca these revelations fall into two different categories, which for the sake of convenience I will refer to as “the shadow,” and “the light.”

If there is one truly powerful quality of Ayahuasca, it is its ability to confront us with those aspects of our personalities we’d rather not see at all: past unhealed traumas, repressed memories, denied dynamics and emotions, and so on. We have become experts at repressing what C.G. Jung called “the shadow,” using every possible stratagem in order to disown those parts of ourselves we are not particularly proud of or comfortable with. These survival tricks are often necessary in order to cope with difficult events and situations, but they are useful only in the short run: repressing painful events and emotions only drive them deeper into our being, and their unconscious presence only make them more powerful, pervasive, and noxious. Manifestations of such defense mechanisms range from denial and dissociation to the presence of entities that are perceived as foreign intrusions into one’s psyche but are actually put into place by the individual in order to protect oneself from even coming close to re-experiencing situations and emotions similar to old unresolved traumas. Holding on to certain patterns and beliefs actually colors how we feel about ourselves, others, and everything we do, whether we are aware of it or not.

For instance, in the case of the loss of a loved one, it is not at all uncommon, particularly in our modern society, that the grieving process is denied, maybe because the environment is not supportive or because we feel that we need to be strong in order to support others in these difficult times. So, the grieving process, which in traditional societies is an integral part of their cultures and lifestyles, is never really allowed to happen. The grief, sadness, and anger that often accompany the death of someone dear to us are then suppressed rather than expressed and released. As a consequence of this suppression we find ourselves carrying these emotions deep within ourselves, and often end up dreading the sudden departure of other people from our lives because of the additional pain of not being able to grieve them properly. The work with Ayahuasca often provides the space for the expression of such emotions and the resulting cathartic release.

Mankind is called today to bring light and awareness onto all aspects of existence, particularly those regarding our inner lives, bringing healing and integration to old wounds and unresolved issues. By bringing back to our conscious awareness deeply resisted experiences, Ayahuasca allows us to begin in earnest a healing process that is long overdue, both individually and collectively.

During an Ayahuasca ceremony we often come face to face with our shadow, and frequently we encounter issues we are all too familiar with: those things that will simply not go away, no matter how much therapy of any kind we have undergone. It is exactly the desire to heal these stubborn and painful aspects of our consciousness that brings us to the Ayahuasca experience. And the medicine, when the individual is ready for what it has to offer, rarely disappoints: it brings us straight to the point of the matter, showing us the wounds we have come to heal, and supporting us in the healing process. The expanded state of consciousness brought on by the ingestion of Ayahuasca not only brings our issues to the surface, but also allows us to perceive them from new and profoundly unique perspectives, thus facilitating their acceptance, understanding, and integration. This is not a purely mental process but one that implies our full presence and attention in order to not merely think about them, but also to explicitly and directly feel these resisted experiences: because of the temporary abatement of the ego and its judging mechanisms, we are finally free to experience events and emotions that the ego had previously deemed as too painful or overwhelming.

The use of the mind is the easiest way to distance oneself from experience; rational thinking can be helpful in understanding certain aspects of our behavior, but actually becomes a hindrance when healing is sought. The expanded state of consciousness of Ayahuasca genuinely takes us out of our ordinary rational mind-state and into the feeling-state necessary for the healing and integration process. In our normal conscious mind we tend to interpret events and relationships always in the same way – it is a prerogative of the mind to always want to be right and fairly rigid in its viewpoint.

Recently a friend of mine who had suffered for many years from feeling rejected and estranged from his father had a most amazing experience during a ceremony: his dead father appeared to him and explained to him how he had actually never rejected him, telling him how, had he truly rejected him, he would have thrown him out of his house and disowned him altogether. He went on to tell him that the reason for his attitude towards his own son had been simply because he didn’t understand him and didn’t know how to deal with him. These revelations allowed my friend to reframe his whole relationship with his father under a new light, and made the way for a whole new level of understanding, compassion, and forgiveness towards him. The relaxing of the mind’s activity allows for a letting go of previously held judgments and viewpoints so that an expanded viewpoint can arise.

ALTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS

Letting go of our usual ways is not always an easy route: we are so used to living almost exclusively within the rational dimension that altered states of consciousness often bring up all sorts of issues regarding one’s ability to navigate through life, if only for a few hours, without a fully functioning mind that operates in a familiar way. Western people particularly have difficulty surrendering the rational mind, and expanded states of consciousness are often experienced as threatening to the individual as well as society. Our identification with the mind and the ego is so deep that their temporary banishment from our field of awareness is often perceived as a kind of death and brings about all sorts of fears regarding one’s own survival and well-being. When it comes to modern man, this is perhaps what the word “Ayahuasca” primarily means: the “Vine of Death.” This implies for many individuals the (mostly temporary) death of the ego, i.e., the dissolution of what one has come to think of as oneself.

More often than not the death one experiences is the final letting go and release of aspects of our own personalities that we have been carrying despite the fact that they are no longer truly useful or valid. Because the ego hangs on to those dynamics for its own survival, their demise is perceived as a little death. Our uneasiness with the dying and letting go processes, whether physical or psychological, can turn this phenomenon into a difficult experience: no matter how much we say we want to let go of certain things, the actuality of the process can be met with all sorts of both conscious and unconscious resistances. Luckily, Ayahuasca gently yet powerfully supports us in the letting go process unlike any other medicine – that is its magic. To be able to let go of old beliefs and viewpoints enables us to be truly in the present moment instead of experiencing what is in front of us through the often distorting lens of the past, or through the thick layers of our fears and worries. The present moment, when fully lived and openly embraced, is the realm of absolute transformation, of endless possibilities, which extend far beyond our imagination.

I will never forget the first time I had such an experience thanks to Ayahuasca. The ceremony had already been closed but I was still in the throes of the medicine and someone’s remark drove me straight into one of my most uncomfortable scenarios: the feeling of not being seen for who I am. I was experiencing a lot of anger and frustration, but unable to move or do anything. I wanted to leave the ceremonial space and go scream out my anger away from everybody else, but couldn’t. Finally I had this moment of clarity and honesty, and could see how this whole scenario was all of my own doing, and that I was not only the main actor but also the screenwriter, director, and location manager. I leaned back and marveled at the intricacy of this whole movie I had created for myself over and over until I violently threw up. I was still shaking from the experience when Don José approached me. He sprinkled me with Camalonga (Thevetia Peruviana) water, but with my eyes closed it felt like I was being showered with a bright light. Taking full responsibility for my own drama caused the paradigm I had created and fed throughout the years to finally crack and fall apart. The sense of liberation and elation that followed this piercing and puncturing through of one of my most limiting creations was extraordinary: it was as if heavy chains, which had turned out to be of my own design and manufacture, had finally broken off my soul. I never fell asleep that night, but instead spent my time imagining and contemplating all the wonderful things I could do now that I was no longer trapped in this old scenario that had kept me feeling small and unappreciated all my life.

The last time such an important shift happened was during my most recent shamanic diet. This time the theme was a similar one: feeling judged as not good enough. In my mind I knew I was making all this up and quickly realized that if I wanted to move forward in my spiritual path, I had to gather all my strength and courage and let this old story go. When the final letting go of a story happens, it can be rather quick and sudden. Yet, the relative simplicity of the process often belies months, years, or lifetimes of preparatory work as we deal with stubborn resistances and attachments to past events and identities. So I drank Ayahuasca and did all that I could do to let go of this belief of being judged rather than accepted and loved. It was only the next day that the result of this letting go shone in all its glory: the space that had been previously occupied by the belief and subsequent experience of being looked at by critical eyes was now filled with a lightness and openness where a much deeper personal truth and reality could shine. This deeper truth was that the Divine loves me and everybody else equally and unconditionally, and that this has always been and will always be so. To allow myself to be enveloped by Divine Love, despite the years of longing for it, was something that could not have happened had I chosen to hold on to the conflicting belief of being judged and not loved enough.

It is really just our own attachment to old limited views of our existence that keeps us locked in nightmares of pain and separation. When we are finally ready to let go of our own preconceived limited views of ourselves and the world, then we can begin to taste the endless energy that springs from Divine Source and drink from it freely.

The state of egolessness, the drastic change in self-image, and the inability of the mind to control the experience can be a truly challenging experience for some. When overwhelming and without the proper environment and support, the experience can become even traumatic. This is not due to some kind of inherent danger of Ayahuasca, but perhaps to the poor preparation of the individual who has ingested it, and the inability to surrender to the medicine.

There is a lot of discussion these days about the power of surrender, and it has been my own experience that there are several layers of surrender and resistance before a total letting go is possible. The demise of the ego puts us in touch with the All, and it is easy for us to feel overwhelmed and scared by such power and immensity. A few years ago I was drinking medicine by myself and was asking the Earth to help me with a particularly bad health situation. And yet, despite my request I realized in the process that there was a part of me still afraid of letting myself be totally embraced and nurtured by Mother Earth. The fear of loss of one’s individuality is often much greater than one can possibly assume.

The use of plant medicines and other entheogens can offer serious reality checks on how truly willing we are to surrender. That can be a humbling but always insightful and important experience. Modern Western society has so thoroughly condemned these states of consciousness that we have become totally alienated from them, to the point that when we are exposed to them we easily feel at a loss, often reacting with panic or unreasonable behaviors. To most traditional societies and according to our most sacred texts, the rational brain is only one part of the human experience – the realms of the spirit and its mysteries are actually what many cultures consider as our true nature. Yet, the use of entheogens, one of the most direct ways of accessing such dimensions, has not only been demonized by various establishments, but also relegated to some kind of intellectual limbo where all sensible discussion is avoided and frowned upon. Perhaps this is due to the fact that these experiences are often beyond the realm of words and left-brain reasoning patterns – the great abyss beyond which we have confined non-ordinary states of consciousness is often a difficult one to bridge.

For the person drinking Ayahuasca for the first time, familiarity with these other states of consciousness, either through the use of other entheogens, meditation, or other spiritual practices, is often a welcome bonus but not a requisite. What is necessary in my opinion is a willingness to let go of preconceived ideas about oneself and the world because often Ayahuasca reflects back to us an image of the Universe that is radically different from the one we are used to. It is not that we have to change our belief systems, but just be flexible enough to make space for these other visions and viewpoints without panicking. People with a rigid personality and very attached to their beliefs will find Ayahuasca rather unbearable and are discouraged from using it. And preconceived negative attitudes towards “drugs” or “primitive cultures” aren’t helpful either. The use of Ayahuasca isn’t for everyone: it is a challenging medicine that requires an open mind and a willingness to surrender to its mysterious ways. This cannot be stressed often enough.

In Western culture, surrender is perceived as defeat and weakness – the ego, so constantly intent on controlling every situation and environment, is reluctant to let go and get out of the picture. “Control” - physical, emotional, and spiritual - has become our way of life. Ayahuasca forces the individual to let go of control, and surrender to its power and magic. Without surrender the experience can easily turn into a nightmare. A woman simply and clearly described this predicament when she shared after her second Ayahuasca ceremony that whenever she was in resistance she was in hell, and whenever she was in acceptance she was in heaven.

I consider myself truly blessed because during my very first time drinking Ayahuasca, which I wrote about at the beginning of this book, I was in a situation where I clearly had no control whatsoever over my experience, and the experience itself was the temporary but complete knock out of my rational mind and ego, which are the basic controlling aspects of our being. I was also lucky somehow, because I was too incapacitated in my normal functioning to be able to offer any resistance. All that was left for me to do was surrender. Whenever I was aware enough of the fear I was in, I would breathe deeply, offer my willingness to the medicine, and remind myself that I was safe. Surrendering over and over meant allowing myself to keep being thrust down a cosmic rabbit hole with no apparent end in sight. As scary as the experience was in the moment, it did have a few purposes. The first one was that without disintegration and psychological or ego death, there cannot be any spiritual rebirth. As it happens with most dying processes, this is not necessarily a pretty event, but one that is often met with dread. The second one was equally profound and it was to teach me experientially that I was and am always safe. I had no idea how this medicine would affect me, but I had worked hard on letting go of my fears before the ceremony and was able to offer my trust to Ayahuasca and surrender completely.

I have learned over the years that there is no more beautiful gift we can offer the world than the gift of love and trust. Andean social and spiritual life revolves around the principle of Ayni, i.e., reciprocity. It is this principle that governs all exchanges, all giving and receiving: we receive as much as we are willing to give and vice versa, like some sort of South American yin and yang. We happily return the help received by others when they are in need and gladly mirror Mother Earth’s generosity by making her offerings of the sweetest fruit, produce, and flowers. In life, and shamanic work is no exception at all, we receive as much as we are willing to give into any particular activity, process, and relationship.

I had spent most of my life suffering from emotional and spiritual stinginess, never really giving of myself with generosity but rather giving out just enough for fear of being shortchanged. In the same way I realized I had sat in a dark corner waiting to be loved before I would open my heart and love in return. What a misconception! And what a waste! Like many people – and what irony that we should feel this way at a time in history when we enjoy more material goods than ever before! – I have suffered from scarcity issues. I have finally realized that the poverty I was experiencing was of my own doing and stemmed from a belief that there is only a limited amount of resources and love in this world as well as inside myself. If the tenet “all we need is love” has any validity, then, by the principle of Ayni, all we need in order to receive all the love we crave is to love with the utmost abandon and generosity.

The same is true about trust and safety. When we offer our trust to ourselves, to others, to a process such as healing with plant medicine, to God, or what have you, that gift is always appreciated and generously returned. The gift we receive in return for offering our trust is the experience of safety and peace.

My trust in Ayahuasca has been tested a few times since that first time many years ago, but hasn’t been broken yet. It is my absolute trust in this medicine that gives me the courage and strength to administer it to other people. I never underestimate its power, but also never doubt its intrinsic benevolence, even when it causes people to go through really challenging and painful moments. Ayahuasca is like a mighty fire that burns away the old and destroys all illusions. As all fires, it needs to be tended with great care and even so, at times its force is too big to be controlled, but once the flames have died out we can see that this devastation is also what creates the necessary conditions for new growth.

When it comes to facing our shadow, we need not only a certain degree of courage, but also and most importantly a willingness to let go of our judgments and see things differently: as long as we consider our shadow as something “negative,” it will continue to elude us. Rather, our shadows are simply aspects of ourselves we have denied: fragments of our being that we have, consciously or not, relegated to unconsciousness. By acknowledging and befriending our shadows, we bring them back into the light. Only by accepting and experiencing them fully are we capable of understanding their powerful lessons and integrating them. Integrating what we have disowned makes us whole – literally, it heals us.

There is one main difficulty in this process, and that is letting go of the negative judgments we have attached to these aspects of ourselves: it is our own negative judgment that relegates a certain event or aspect of ourselves into the unconscious. I, for instance, used to hide a lot of myself under layers of shame and denial. As a young Catholic boy I quickly intuited that certain behaviors of mine were far from well-looked upon by the Church and my fellow church-goers, and so I would do my best to hide these aspects of myself from others and myself. The fear of being found out, punished, and cast away turned me into a master of denial. It was only with age that I was able to see these “horrible” and “sinful” parts of myself as simple aspects of myself rather than something to be ashamed of.

A lot of my own personal healing with plant medicines has revolved around self-acceptance, reclaiming aspects of myself I had disowned and denied, letting go of self-judgment, and forgiving myself. To my own surprise, acceptance of my own shadow has eventually paved the way for the genuine acceptance and honoring of my divinity as well, and in the light of such divinity all previous mistakes and perceived shortcomings have been reframed as the simple learning experiences that they were to begin with.

Letting go of judgment can happen only when we become aware and take responsibility for our actions and thoughts, when we take responsibility for the way we feel and live. It is impossible for us to change our world if we keep blaming others for the way it is. Integration happens only with integrity and honesty towards others and oneself. When we have finally let go of all excuses and lies, and have taken responsibility for our lives, guilt disappears. When we are in integrity, our actions, feelings, and thoughts are in alignment with our spirit and the whole Universe – as a result, we no longer fear some hypothetical divine judgment and retribution. We can now relax and see Life for what it really is, unclouded by our own judgments and limiting beliefs.

By stepping beyond the realm of duality of the mind we are finally capable of seeing the shadow with neutrality and a renewed interest – this is the essence of many other spiritual disciplines as well, with the difference that they usually require a much longer time frame. Often people interested in spirituality are unconsciously steeped in duality: they long for what they perceive as the “positive” aspects and rewards of the spiritual path, but are unwilling to embrace their own totality. Many spiritual traditions reinforce this duality with rigid ethical and moral codes, making the journey towards wholeness difficult and tortuous.

Some of the people who have had a fair share of New Age or other kind of spiritual literature and teachings seem to be the most resistant toward acknowledging and embracing their own shadow, in particular their judgments and anger toward themselves and others. They have heard that anger is no solution to their problems and have opted for a numbing of such feelings, a strategy that only reinforces the belief that these patterns and emotions are bad and best avoided altogether. What happens unfortunately is that repressed emotions do not go away and are bound to resurface one way or another, and when they come out after much repression and resistance, it is usually in a rather explosive manner and directed at something or someone that has nothing to do with the real source of our upset.

I personally struggled for forty-five years before I could acknowledge and express the full range of anger and resentment I had secretly harbored against my parents since birth. It took all sorts of workshops and healing work before I could let out and express something that is indeed a taboo in our society. It was a most healing and liberating experience to let out all this rage, and so now I give the permission and gently encourage and support others through the same process whenever I feel that their own judgments prevent them from connecting with all sorts of uncomfortable emotions.

One such occurrence happened a few years ago the first time a friend of mine came to visit me in Peru to drink Ayahuasca. Because of her upbringing this person would rather drown her anger and frustration under generous amounts of alcohol than let her true feelings out. At some point during the ceremony I felt the call to go over and sing a healing song for her. I could feel her struggling to hold her rage, which was right under her skin, so I began to sing with an encouraging tone of my voice and didn’t give up on her until she broke down through her resistances and let out a good portion of her anger, which made her feel, needless to say, a lot lighter and better.

Letting go of these human constructs can be a real challenge as so much of who we think we are is invested in them. To make things even more challenging is the fact that modern society has put so much importance into “having” and “doing” that we have forgotten as a collective the value of letting go. We spend our lives not only gathering objects, but also experiences, belief systems, relationships, and emotions, and have forgotten the value of letting go and periodically cleansing our own souls. We all suffer to one degree or another of being psychically anal-retentive.

Healing modalities such as the ingestion of vomit-inducing substances, or enemas, have been virtually removed from Western medicine and are resorted to only in extreme cases. When nothing else seems to work, we make our way to a sweat lodge, an Ayurvedic clinic, or the depth of the Amazon jungle, looking for ways to detoxify our bodies and souls from the debris that clog them.

LETTING GO

As far as I am concerned the most important message that Ayahuasca has for modern men and women is “let go”: let go of the social constructs, the psychological armoring, the wounds, and deeply seated traumas that suffocate the spirit and weaken the body.

We are often unwilling to let go as we have so much invested into our identities, even the ones that cause us to be miserable or sick. Our attachment to our wounds and beliefs is extraordinary. Acknowledging to oneself that maybe the choices we have made haven’t been the best ones for our own development is no easy thing to do. Sometimes we prefer to stay in our own suffering rather than attempting to change our minds and attitudes.

More often than not, Ayahuasca invites us to let go of emotions, viewpoints, and attitudes that may have been important, perhaps even necessary, for our own physical, emotional, and mental survival and well-being, but that are no longer necessary, truly beneficial, or valid in the present moment. These obstructions actually prevent us from freely and fully experiencing the present moment and stepping lightly into the future. Once again Ayahuasca proves to be an amazing medicine in that it actively supports the letting go process. This is short of miraculous but definitely true according to the experiences of all that have used it. This is its therapeutic effect, its healing quality.

The letting go process under the influence and guidance of Ayahuasca can be as easy or as laborious as one is ready to experience it, depending on one’s willingness to go along with the medicine’s course of action. When the boundaries created by the ego dissolve, we are able to experience ourselves as a totality rather than a fragmented entity. No longer separated into body, mind, and spirit, we experience who we are and the effects of Ayahuasca multi-dimensionally, as a whole being. The cleansing process happens on all levels, physical, and spiritual, with vomit, defecation, tears, screams, laughter, visions of heavy energies leaving the body or being expelled through the act of vomiting.

It is not unusual for someone to have a clear experience that what one is vomiting isn’t simply bile but old conflicts, emotions, or thought patterns. These may take the appearance of dark snakes, spiders, or other insects, but are often clearly perceived to be much more than that. The experience is cathartic and so profoundly inscribed into one’s cellular memory and spirit that it becomes simply unforgettable: the psyche has been cleansed and rewired with little chance of permanent amnesia or denial.

It can be painful to reconnect with and feel one’s own wounds: unhealed conflicts resurface with all their suppressed energy, not to mention all the judgments and layers of resistance wrapped around them. What was once a simple, if painful, event in one’s life has now become an insurmountable obstacle or an evil beast. Facing our wounds is at times nothing short of a heroic fight against one’s own darkest forces, where survival is often questioned. Yet, few experiences on this planet can be said to be as rewarding as the healing and letting go of such wounds offered by the drinking of Ayahuasca.

And so it is that after going down the infamous rabbit hole, losing one’s mind, and, having no option but to look at our own shadow, we are finally releasing old wounds and heavy energies from the depths of our body and soul. The result of all this is often a feeling of lightness, accompanied by an amazing clarity, increased creativity, and a deep connection to ourselves, others, and the whole Cosmos.

There are multiple levels and degrees of letting go and surrender. Among them I’d like to mention the experience of psychological or symbolical death. I often remind people that drinking Ayahuasca is a wonderful practice for one of the most challenging acts of surrender we are capable of, that of dying. It is remarkable how people with great fear of dying will suddenly find themselves going through this kind of experience during an Ayahuasca ceremony and then later comment on how liberating it was to stop resisting the process and surrender completely and without worries.

CLEANSING THE DOORS OF PERCEPTION

Working with Ayahuasca is like standing in front of a full size mirror. Knowing we are in front of a mirror, we expect it to give us a precise reflection of ourselves, but that mirror is often covered with debris, and as we look at ourselves into that mirror all we see is our wounds and the psychological and mental rubbish amassed there through time. Because we are so identified with our own mental image we believe we are that rubbish and little else. Ayahuasca, at times radically, at times with gentle little swipes, cleanses the mirror so that we are able to get an increasingly clearer picture of who we really are – our own divine nature is finally able to be seen and experienced. Our deepest truths are then revealed to the degree and in the form that we are ready to receive them. All that is needed is to cleanse and prepare our consciousness like a vessel, so that it can hold greater degrees of truth and light.

Just as wise people and spiritual masters have told us throughout the ages, there is no truth to look for out there: we have been carrying it within ourselves all along, and it is only a matter of rediscovering and remembering it. This was my own experience during my shamanic apprenticeship: like countless other people I had been on a spiritual search for many years, reading books, attending workshops, and engaging in various forms of spiritual practice. In the spiritual literature I had often found the notion that everything I was looking for was already within myself, but my search around the world would not stop.

Reading about something and actually having a direct personal experience of it are two totally different things. It was not until my shamanic diet with the Datura plant that I was able to experience first-hand what all of this talk was about. In the first month of my diet with this Plant Teacher I felt how the plant was cleansing me like one would polish a crystal, until it was totally shiny. It was after this process that I realized my whole being had been gently prepared in order to be able to hold greater and greater wisdom, and that such wisdom was not being put inside of me from an outside source, but was actually the resurfacing of a wisdom that had been within me all along. To my great surprise I finally realized what a vast number of spiritual books had been hinting at, and it was amazing to experience the opening of such a rich depository of knowledge and wisdom that had been laying dormant within myself: despite all efforts to the contrary, the spiritual journey is ultimately an inner one.

Ayahuasca is like the best of spiritual teachers in that it doesn’t provide yet another set of beliefs, but reconnects us to our own timeless truths. Like the most loving of gurus, this medicine at times makes us cry long and hard but also reflects back to us our own divinity. There is no need for Plant Teachers to fill us with more teachings or dogmas: they know that deep within each living being lies the same loving essence and their main gift to us all is to help us reconnect with such essence. As the psychological and mental lenses of our perception are cleansed, we are finally able to connect with the deeper layers of our hearts and souls. And as the identification with our minds and wounds lessens, we automatically get in touch with our own Higher Self and inner treasures.

In the course of working with Ayahuasca this happens as a result of, and in parallel with, the cleansing and healing process. The image I am fond of using is that of a hot air balloon that lifts up into the stratosphere as sand bags are being released: as we let go of the heavy energies we carry within ourselves, we are capable of regaining altitude, of seeing the whole landscape of our inner and outer lives, and to bask once again in the clarity of Divine Light. This pattern occurs quite frequently during Ayahuasca ceremonies: often there is a descent into the darkest regions of our being, and once the healing and release have been accomplished, we find ourselves in a state of expansion, elation, and often ecstasy. The reconnection to our own light is the source of increased intuition, trust, self-esteem, and the resulting ability to live according to our heart’s desire.

“Shadow” and “light” are after all only categories of the mind, and under the effects of Ayahuasca these labels are no longer significant – everything simply is. Just as the dualities of the mind are transcended, so are the concepts of time and space: everything happens here and now. In this state of wholeness people often become suddenly clear about deeper layers of who they are, their connection with others, and the Universe. The inner vision, no longer clouded by the illusory drama of life, is reawakened, and the answers one has been looking for are finally visible and clear. It is a powerful and beautiful process that happens effortlessly once we let go of what we have held on for far too long. Just like the cleansing of body and soul, the revelation process happens gradually and can achieve tremendous depth.

Another translation of the word “Ayahuasca” is “Vine of the Soul”: by shedding the layers around the psyche we are eventually able to look directly into our souls and understand what our soul path is. We intuit that we are in this world for specific purposes, but those purposes often elude us: we seem to be suffering from some sort of innate amnesia that prevents us from understanding what we came into this world to do. In the Western tradition it is said that an angel erases from our awareness the reasons for our incarnation at the moment of birth. “What am I doing?” and “What am I supposed to do with my life?” These are recurring questions in our lives, particularly to those on a spiritual search. Working with Ayahuasca, the Vine of the Soul, allows people to reconnect with their soul purpose. This may not happen overnight, but it is definitely within the range of what this medicine is capable of catalyzing.

Knowing beyond any doubt what one is here to do gives a totally new flavor to existence: it is an enlightening experience that allows us to clearly focus, direct, and align our thoughts and actions accordingly. This is not to be confused with the search for a career or another way of satiating a demanding spiritual ego. Life choices may become clear, even obvious, but it is only as a result of an increased inner clarity. Actions are taken not to satisfy the ego but to be in alignment with the spirit.

My own personal work with this medicine gifted me with the sudden awareness of my reasons for being in this physical body at this time and on this planet. It was a powerful revelation that has guided me ever since and has given me the coordinates by which I have been making my decisions since. The understanding that my purpose in this life wasn’t really that of being successful or important has freed me from the pursuit of things that weren’t all that important. Instead I have begun to make choices that were in alignment with my soul path, regardless of social and ego-centered expectations and concerns, and my life has blossomed as a result. Many people I encounter mention wanting to better know what their life purpose is as one of their main reasons for wanting to drink Ayahuasca. Often their desire goes hand in hand with a wish to be of service to others and make the best possible use of their time, talents, and resources. To those who ask these questions from a place where they feel they have already been wasting enough time in doubt and confusion, I often reply by reminding them that all of us are always fulfilling our life purpose already. We may feel discontentment about the general course our life has taken, but that doesn’t mean we are wasting our time or doing anything wrong. The fulfillment of one’s life contract is not always a happy and straightforward affair. Particularly those on a spiritual path will find their roads winding in often confusing ways and paved with all sorts of challenges. To those suffering from confusion and discouragement in life in general or during a healing process with Ayahuasca I often offer these words by R.L. Stevenson, “It’s a better thing to travel hopefully than to arrive.” We may find ourselves at a loss from time to time, but can always trust the mysterious roads of our lives to have an important destination.

By Javier Regueiro in "Ayahuasca - Soul Medicine of the Amazon Jungle",Lifestyle Entrepreneurs Press, USA, 2016, excerpts part I.  Digitized, adapted and illustrated to be posted by Leopoldo Costa.